Dreams of Rapture
by nightserenade
Summary: One encounter at a bar forever changes Roy and Edward's relationship. As Roy tries to find out why Ed was dressed as a girl, Ed himself is struggling to grasp the meaning of his dreams and feelings. Follow them both as their hearts are brought together. Roy/Ed.
1. Chapter 1: First Encounter

**A/N: ****This is an AT set three or so years in the future in which Edward was able to bring Al's body back, but both his auto-mail limbs remain. He stays in the military to get money in order to pay for Al to go to school and have a normal life, while he assists in making sure other alchemists in Amestris are behaving and not committing evil acts. Seeing as how the idea and start of this fic occurred long ago, it has a lot of facts that stray from canon (especially how the actual series concluded).**

**Warnings - language and mild sexual themes.**

****Hopefully you'll all enjoy it! Reviews are greatly appreciated because I love to read what you think!****

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><p><strong>Chapter One: First Encounter <strong>

It was late in the evening, the sky painted an endless black with glimmering flecks of light shining in dashes from the scattered stars. Only having just finished the day's paperwork at work, Roy Mustang walked down the sidewalk, the streetlights and shadows casting ominous pictures along his path. The usual afternoon bustling and chatter from the buildings and streets in Central were gone, replaced with a slightly eerie quiet.

But the Brigadier-General paid it no mind and continued on his way back to his unoccupied house. He would be stepping out of the late night hush on the streets and into his own home's lonely silence. It was all the same to him, and something not unusual for him to experience.

The day had been tediously boring, the same as it usually was. Lots of paperwork, and... more paperwork. He hadn't had any meetings or any "situations" that had needed his services, and though it was a bad thing to think, earlier he had almost wished for some crazy psychopath alchemist to start tearing up buildings. At least then he'd be able to get out of his office and go take care of the problem.

Of course he really didn't wish for something like that to happen... Not in a serious manner, that is.

Brigadier-General Roy Mustang, the esteemed and well-known Flame Alchemist.

It hadn't taken him that long to rise up even higher through the ranks. On the contrary, it had taken him a lot less time than usual in the eyes of many military personnel. It brought up many questions of whether or not he had earned his place, but one conversation with Mustang, or one glimpse of the man in action with his alchemy showed proof enough that he knew what he was doing. He was no young idiot soldier looking for any way possible to get more power and more money; he was an intelligent man, politically and otherwise, and his reasons for wanting to rise up in the ranks were ones that should earn great respect. But he didn't go bragging around that he wanted to be the next Fuhrer, no, because that might ruin the reputation he'd worked so hard to build. The higher ranked men weren't stupid, they knew he had great ambitions, but Mustang held the appearance of a man who only did things for his people, and just so happened to get promoted, without him actively _seeking _it.

He was close, getting closer. And the thought that soon he would finally be at the place he'd wanted to be since the Ishbal war almost made him giddy, though the underlying worry and fear of said position in the military was still there. Being Fuhrer was not an easy job, that was obvious, but that wouldn't stop him from still wanting that job. One day he would rule Amestris, and change things for the better, for her people.

His standard issue military boots made soft sounds against the ground with every step, and the steady rhythm of his stride was comforting in the quiet of his surroundings. He was exhausted, and couldn't wait until he was home and under the warm, thick covers of his bed. He'd be alone tonight, but it wasn't something he particularly minded, contrary to popular belief. All he wanted at that moment was sleep, and he'd probably reject any proposal by a woman at that time. Unless she was remarkably beautiful and charming... Then he might change his mind.

For now his only thoughts were on getting home.

Then an unnatural light from a doorway ahead caught his attention.

It came from a familiar building, one Roy visited on a regular basis. As he neared, slowing his steps, he could hear the murmurs of conversations between people and the clinking of glasses. Welcomed and familiar sounds to his ears.

But he would not be joining the men and women enjoying themselves, that night was different. He continued walking, telling himself that he did not need the reassuring aid of drunken oblivion that he received from alcohol – _'at least, not today...' _the man added to himself.

So on he walked, making his way down the pathway slowly but confidently. That is, until he heard a commotion coming from the alley across the street. It made him stop again – after he realized just what was going on – and stare without discretion.

In the shrouded dark of the alley, a tall man stood over a smaller, more feminine figure. He was bent over, as he was more than a head taller than her, pressing the young woman against the stone wall with his much larger body, his lips glued to hers.

He usually wasn't one to fancy watching another couple go about their business, voyeurism was something he had no need for because he certainly did not lack the charm to have his bed occupied when he was in the mood. And Roy suspected that if it had been anyone else he would have already started walking again. However it wasn't just some plain old couple stood in the alleyway, and he found himself captured by the sheer beauty of the woman, standing as if frozen to the spot, with his eyes only on her.

She was beautiful – as far as he could tell in the faint light – with golden hair cascading down her shoulders to the middle of her back. Clothed in all black; a long sleeved jacket and a knee-length skirt that's edge met with high leather boots, she appeared almost modest in the way she dressed, because she did not reveal much skin, but she was nonetheless still alluring.

And Roy was trapped, lost in the vision of her whose glowing beauty could outshine the blurry light from the streetlamps, as his mind whirled at the thought of her body against _his_ instead of that man's. _His_ neck being held in her white gloved hands instead of that man's. _His_ hand sliding up her thigh and underneath her skirt instead of -

His body stiffened.

Not because of his thoughts, but because he had seen her slim frame do the same. He'd heard the gasp of what Roy assumed to be terror, or at least great surprise, come from her mouth and now saw her trying to break away from the man who was still trying to kiss her and touch her zealously.

His hands clenched into fists, enraged, as he saw her do so as well. It was like, at that very moment, they were connected mentally, and were both feeling the same outrage at what the desperate man was doing.

_'I have to help her,' _Roy thought, and was about to race across the road to do just that when there was a very loud and cringe-worthy _SMACK _from his destination.

The Flame Alchemist found himself staring again, this time in barely suppressed shock. There was no need to run over and pull the man off of the mesmerizing woman anymore, she had taken care of things herself, single-handed in the most literal sense, with the very self-satisfying use of a fist in the face.

The man crumpled from the impact, falling to the ground in a heap with both hands held up to his face. Blood poured from his presumably broken nose and into his black hair as well as all over the ground because he didn't seem to be able to stand just yet. Stepping over him, the woman staggered onto and down the sidewalk in the opposite direction of the bar, head held high and arms straight against her sides in an almost childlike form of anger.

It had been quite the sight, and Roy watched in awe until he realized that she was leaving. Consumed by the sudden urge to find out if she was alright – no, he wasn't doing it to find out who she was, definitely not – he jogged across the empty street to where she was. Once he was a few paces behind her – very petite – retreating form, he called out to her.

"Miss, are you alright?"

There was no response. He frowned and decided to try again. Maybe she hadn't heard him or was too shaken to have noticed that someone concerned over her well-being was following her. Emotions often dulled the senses, he could empathize with that. And almost being the subject to rape, or serious sexual abuse, had probably shaken up the female.

"I saw what happened, don't worry I won't hurt you, Miss... _Miss?_"

With no reply yet again, Roy decided to try a different method to get her to turn around and acknowledge him. It was either that or watch her leave without even getting the chance to talk to her.

The later was not an option in his mind.

His hand reached out and grasped her left shoulder gently, an action only meant to slow the woman down and gain her attention. And it did, but Roy regretted it when he felt her freeze, the muscles – surprisingly strong feeling ones – in her shoulders tensing under his touch. She'd definitely not been expecting someone to try to communicate with her, and probably assumed the worst; that it was the man from earlier.

Immediately he apologized, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you, Miss. But I've been trying to talk to you and you–"

His words cut off as she spun around on her heel to look at him, knocking his hand off her own shoulder abruptly in the process. But before Roy could finish what he was going to say, his black eyes looked down into her upturned face and the words died in his throat.

Realization, horror, and many other emotions made him exclaim loudly as he saw and recognized who she was.

Correction; who _he_ was.

And not just any _he_, but _Edward Elric _himself.

For what seemed like hours, they just stared at each other; Roy in open-mouthed astonishment and Ed with wide, molten gold eyes that made him look like a deer stuck in the headlights of an oncoming car. The teenager stared up at his superior and Roy found that he couldn't help but look him over another time. He really did look like a female – no, not just _a _female, a very _attractive_ one.

The years that had gone by since Ed was a young and fresh fifteen-year-old had changed a lot about him. He still had the same fiery temper, but he was a lot more capable of keeping it in check, having learned that sometimes it was better to stay calm in certain situations. He'd grown in height, only a little, but what had really grown was his hair. As he'd matured he'd decided to continue to lengthen his beautiful golden locks, and it now rested almost to his waist when it was out of it's usual ponytail, instead of the former usual braid. And his pretty face only added to the aspects of him that would make him pass as a female.

Sudden confusion washed over the Brigadier-General and made him open his mouth to ask a question when he hadn't even thought of what to say. But seeing this, a flash of sheer panic crossed Ed's flushed face and then he was gone, dashing off down the street in a blur of gold and black before Roy could even blink.

"Ed..." was all he managed to say before everything actually registered.

_'What was he doing here? Why was he dressed like a girl? And why the hell was he letting another man be all over him like that?'_

There were too many questions and it made his mind swim as it tried to comprehend the answers to them. It was not meant to be doing something like this, especially not at whatever godawful hour of the night it was. What was going on?

_'Hm... On second thought, maybe I do need a couple of drinks...' _He highly doubted he'd be able to just go home and go to sleep now, and so he sighed and went back towards the bar, shutting out the images of Edward and thoughts of the circumstances of their encounter.

He passed by the man who had just been sexually assaulting his subordinate without a second glance – it wasn't that he didn't care, in fact, he wanted nothing more than to set the man on fire for even laying a finger on the young male in such a disgraceful manner, but he really didn't need the headache of the paperwork he would have to do following that particular course of action.

Reaching the building and entering it, Roy ordered a few glasses of alcohol he knew would make his mind unable to think straight fast and settled down on a stool by the bar counter. It wasn't like he came here to get drunk too often, only at times when the nightmares of the war plagued his mind too much for him to be able to sleep peacefully, and so he didn't need to worry about the chance of becoming an alcoholic.

On the contrary, if he ever _did _become one he'd have hell to pay, courtesy of a blonde lieutenant who would gladly threatened him with her gun until he stopped drinking completely. He could almost hear her voice in his head, saying the words "What kind of country will Amestris become if it's next Fuhrer is a drunken man with no more sense left in his head?" in her usual calm and serious tone. Normally she wouldn't say such things that were on the bridge of disrespect, but under certain circumstances she knew it was up to her to snap him out of doing things he'd regret in the future. So sometimes politeness was chucked out of the window.

Speaking of someone who often threw polite courtesies out the window...

Roy sighed again.

_'I have a feeling it's going to be a long week, might as well drink while I still can,' _was his only encouraging thought as the bartender brought him a couple of shots and he gratefully drank them.


	2. Chapter 2: The Morning After

**A/N: Hope you all enjoy! Thank you all for the reviews!**

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><p><strong>Chapter Two: The Morning After <strong>

_'White. It's so white. Almost like a hospital room...'_

At that discomforting thought, Edward awakened fully, searching around to make sure that he was in his apartment and not in said dreaded building. He hated doctors and anything that had to do with them with a passion. Needles were definitely not for him, much to his brother's chagrin whenever he got sick or hurt.

Once he got the proof that he was safe at home in his bed, he stretched out his body languidly like a cat. Then he returned his gaze to the ceiling that had greeted him when he'd awoken. Having not decided if he really wanted to get up just yet, Edward stayed lying down in his comfortable and warm state, and his mind drifted lazily through the events of the previous day.

Random flashes passed before his golden eyes and he grinned, remembering that his brother, Alphonse, had been forced to do the housework while he read the latest volume of an alchemy series that detailed the basic similarities and contraries of the different types, elements, and kinds from different countries. But the humour of seeing his flustered baby brother in a pink, frilly apron didn't last long, because he'd remembered that said male had then made him help cook dinner in punishment. Chores were... not his thing.

Continuing through his memories of the day, Ed found himself reminiscing his time at the bar two streets away. It had become a regular routine for him, a place he now visited so often that he could feel Al's suspicion growing. He could no longer use the same old excuses that he was going out for a walk to places to calm his mind before he went to sleep.

_'I'm sorry, Al, but I just... don't know how to explain... not yet at least.'_

Then suddenly an important part of last night's events entered his mind and Ed gasped. How had he forgotten?

_Mustang._

He had _been_ there.

He had _seen _him.

_Mustang_ had _been _there and had _seen_ him.

Edward's face started to heat up and he glanced over to his brother's neatly made up bed to make sure he wasn't there and hadn't heard his earlier outburst. Holding his breath, he scanned the entire room in silence. After seeing no sign of Al, he exhaled loudly, groaning out his frustrations.

_"... are you alright?"_

_"I saw what happened, don't worry I won't hurt you..."_

'_Why had he been so concerned..?_' But then he remembered that during the moment that the cold Brigadier-General had showed concern he had been dressed as a female, and he snorted. Of course, he wasn't worried over _him; _he'd thought he'd been a damsel in distress that he could heroically save from danger and then woo into his bed.

"_I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you... But I've been trying to talk to you..."_

He shut his eyes tightly, willing away the invasion of the unwanted voice and the rage of emotions and thoughts it brought with it. _'He had been so confused... I can't blame the bastard but...'_ Ed bit his lip hard, getting increasingly annoyed at himself. _'Why the fuck do I feel guilty that I'm hiding this from __him?'_

Having been preoccupied with thoughts of Roy Mustang – that was definitely not the right way to put it, it implied way too much – the alchemist nearly fell out of his bed in shock when an unexpected voice called loudly to him.

"It's time to wake up!"

He sat up abruptly, clutching the fabric of the black tank top he wore over his chest where he felt his heart pounding. Trying to catch his breath after he had been scared half to death, Edward listened for the voice again.

"Brother?"

It was Al. Only Al.

The eighteen-year-old yelled back – rather breathlessly – that he was coming and then swung his legs over the side of the mattress. Getting to his feet, he stretched once again, loosening the muscles in his flesh limbs and checking to make sure that his auto-mail ones were working. He'd have to get everything checked out by Winry soon, because he was overdue for maintenance, but he was understandably waiting until the last minute to do that. It wasn't that he didn't want to see her or Granny Pinako, but the woman would probably keep him in Risembool for as long as she possibly could in order to inspect and modify his automail. Plus, she'd probably already be angry over the fact that it was taking him so long to come back for his "check ups".

Satisfied that everything seemed to be in perfect working order, he headed towards the door and then promptly tripped over an article of clothing.

Cursing under his breath, Ed looked down at it and was alarmed at what he saw.

It was a skirt, the very same one that he had worn the night before while he was out acting like a very sensuous female. Quickly, he kicked it under his bed where other women clothing lay in an old suitcase out of plain sight. The familiar sense of embarrassment over what he had hidden there and what he'd been doing lately filled him for a moment. _'How could I be so careless? I hope Al didn't see it...' _

But when he journeyed out into the kitchen where his brother was cooking breakfast, Ed could feel the tension. Al looked over at him and said "Good morning," but the elder knew that something was different, the feel of being watched following him as he sat down at their small table. His brother's tone had been, as always, friendly, but the underlying tone was one of enquiry, and Ed wasn't stupid. He knew that Al was worried about him, and wanted to know about what was going on, but...

_'What do I do? If he asks me straight out I'll have to tell him, but I can't stand it if he just keeps _looking _at me like that... I don't even know how to explain it all, and I really don't want to end up sounding like a fucking girl... But either way I'll have to tell him eventually...'_

Ed sighed in frustration and rubbed at his face, scrubbing at the dirt that was in his eyes from his slumber. _'My secret plan isn't so secret anymore... First the bastard Brigadier-General–"_

_'Oh fuck...'_ He almost groaned out loud because of the horrible thought, having just realized that Alphonse wasn't the only one who would be expecting to know what was going on with him. _'I'm going to have to tell him, too, since I don't think he'll just forget about it.' _

The mouthwatering smell of freshly made fried eggs and toast alerted Ed of the fact that he still had his brother to deal with. He smiled lightly when Al placed a plate full of food in front of him and then sat down across the table. The smile was returned, a sweet sight that made his heart constrict in his chest.

It had taken him years, years of being a military dog in order to get money to supply his research into the Philosopher's Stone. It had taken him so long, but a year ago he'd finally been able to unlock the secrets that he'd needed in order to travel back to the Gate and get his brother's body back. He'd glossed over the details with most of the people who asked, and that hadn't seemed to be a problem; people like Winry and Granny Pinako had just been happy that Alphonse was back in his body, and didn't care how it had happened as long as no more bad consequences would occur. Edward had reassured them without a doubt that this was the final time they would ever mess with the Gate or Human Transmutation, even if his automail arm and leg remained – which was always a sore topic to bring up when Alphonse was around. They wouldn't risk going back there, never again.

The point was that finally he was able to see his little sibling's beautiful smile, see his face, feel his touch and his warmth. It made everything they'd gone through worthwhile to Ed, because everything he'd done in the past had always been for Al, and now that he'd been able to get his body back, things felt right again.

Except – and this little fact made him furious at himself – his heart was still longing for something _more_, and he couldn't for the life of him figure out _what _and _why_.

"This should help your mood, brother."

Glancing up, Ed was brought back to the present and met Alphonse's grey gaze. He paused before he began to eat, doing so more because he wanted to avoid the scrutiny than because he was really hungry. He knew all too well that the younger Elric did not mean that the eggs and toast would make him feel better.

He meant that _talking_ to him would.

The Fullmetal Alchemist nodded and then opened his mouth, hesitant but determined.

"There's something I need to tell you, Al. It's... kind of a long story..." He willed his gaze to stay locked with the other's, knowing that his brother deserved that much respect, and more. "I... I don't know how to explain it all, y'know... I don't even really understand why I'm..." He breathed out of his nose angrily. "I can't talk about it right now, okay? When I get things sorted out I'll – I'll tell you, you know that, right? I'd never purposefully hide anything from you."

"I know that, brother," the words were said with so much faith and conviction that he broke into a smile unconsciously. "Just... _you _know that I'll always be here no matter what, right? Even if you did something incredibly stupid, we've been there before, and I'd never judge you."

Ed swallowed audibly, and chose to respond to the easier part of what had been said. "Hey, I don't do stupid things... not often... anymore." He was rewarded with a bright grin, and that smile was enough to make the slight tension in the air disperse immediately. He was really lucky to have someone like Alphonse as a brother.

"You'd better get going."

After having a long conversation with his brother during breakfast and after he'd changed out of his night wear, Ed stood by their house's door. Alphonse had dutifully reminded him of the fact that he had to give in his mission report from two days ago that day. He had groaned, dreading the meeting because it would mean that he would have to talk to the one person he really didn't want to see at the moment.

Al must have noticed this because he sighed from his place beside his older brother. "You'll have to face him some time, sooner or later."

He looked up in surprise. Was it that obvious that he didn't want to see Mustang? Of course, he never _wanted _to see the man, but was it so clearly written on his face that he'd rather be in an incredibly painful situation than go see him?

"I can tell that the Brigadier-General seems to know more about this than I do." Where there may have been a slightly hurt tone had anyone else been in his place, when Al spoke there was nothing but sweet concern. "And if he can somehow help you then that's good. He actually cares about us, you know."

"Yeah, I know, I know. I just wish I could see him later rather than sooner." It was Edward's turn to sigh. "But if he says anything out of line, I'm not promising that he'll go home tonight without some part of him broken."

Al laughed, and soon Ed couldn't help but grin, though he wasn't joking.

_'Seriously, what am I going to do?' _He thought nervously, trying to smile for his brother's benefit. But, of course, he saw through it.

"Don't worry, it'll be fine," Alphonse put his hand on his shoulder reassuringly. "Good luck, brother."

Ed nodded. "Thanks, Al. For this, and for being here even when I haven't told you everything."

"It's what I'm here for, though I really wish you would tell me what's going on. Not much I can help with if I don't know anything."

He just shook his head guiltily, thinking to himself that his brother was always a good help by just being there, staying with him even when he was quite a handful sometimes, and walked out the door. He waved over his shoulder to him and then departed in the direction of the Central Military Headquarters.

_'Should I just tell him everything?'_ He shook his head vigorously, immediately deciding against it. _'I haven't even told Al yet, why would I tell the bastard anything?' _He'd probably just make fun of him, not even wanting to know the reasons behind his actions_. 'I don't even understand this all myself!'_ He felt irritatingly helpless, but then he remembered something his brother had said before he'd had to get ready to leave.

_"Brother," Al took his hand gently, benevolent in his actions, the warmth of his flesh pressed to Ed's making it a comforting gesture. "I don't know what to say... but you need to figure this all out. I know that I can't be that much help, but remember; I'm always here by your side no matter what. I'll always be here, waiting for the time when you think you're ready to tell me what's going on."_

_'You're so stupid, Alphonse...' _Ed thought, smiling gently to himself, an expression so soft that only his brother could coax from him._'Your support is more help than I could ever ask for.'_

He drew in a deep breath, faintly wondering how he had arrived in front of the office so soon. _'Just be __normal...' _He directed himself, steeling himself for whatever reaction was to come. _'Hopefully he won't say anything about it. Maybe he'll forget... he _is _old after all... I doubt it though.'_

Gathering up his courage, Ed did what he usually did and charged into the room, a fearsome look on his face. Ignoring Havoc's mumbled "Uh oh... the boss is _pissed_...' and the glances from Hawkeye and Fuery, he marched up to the door at the back and kicked it open. Entering unannounced, Edward kicked the door closed behind him and then stood by it, staying a comfortable distance away as he glared ahead at the man who sat behind his desk. Pleased by the brief show of a startled expression on Roy Mustang's face, he almost grinned. _Almost_. But then the Colonel covered his surprise with his usual confident mask and smirk.

It irritated Ed to a great extent.

Mustang leaned his chin on his fist. "Haven't you ever heard of _'knocking before entering'_, Fullmetal? It's something I think you should look into, since it's something very valuable to learn; it's much more reserved and polite."

He snorted. "I've never been one for _'reserved and polite'_, Mustang."

"I'm very well _aware_ of that."

Ed swallowed, suddenly uncertain of what to do again. The look in Mustang's eyes was one that made him sure that he was speaking of past occurrences. A very _recent_ past occurrence. He was no longer simply talking about him kicking open the door and barging inside unannounced, he was referring to what he had witnessed; Ed engaged in rather heated and intimate activities while half-shrouded in the darkness of an alleyway. His tone had a challenging edge to it, as if he was waiting for him to admit what had happened, or blow up at him for being there to see it.

But Ed wasn't going to back down, he was never one to retreat with his tail between his legs and this situation was no different. So he stood there, watching the Flame Alchemist with gold orbs, awaiting the taunts that he was sure would come. What else would the man possibly say to him?

What he didn't expect was, however, what really happened.

"Aren't you going to give me your report? Or are you just going to stand there? Because if you are, I'll gladly inform Lieutenant Hawkeye that it's _your _fault that my work isn't done yet."

Dumbstruck, Ed stared for a few moments as Mustang held out his hand for the paperwork and spoke with a monotonous voice. He had to catch himself before his mouth fell slack and quickly strode forward to shove a rumpled sheet of paper at his commanding officer.

"Y-Yeah, so... in Arium, there wasn't that much resistance in my researching of their experiments..."

_'What is going on?' _Edward though while he retold his previous mission, an easy assignment in a small town not too far from Rush Valley that hadn't been a problem to handle. _'I was so sure that he... he couldn't have forgotten!' _The boy's voice faltered slightly as he spoke at his next thought.

_'Am I really so insignificant to him? Am I just a subordinate, so unimportant in the long run that he'd forget about something like that? Or just dismiss it as something that doesn't concern him, and that's that?' _Maybe Alphonse had been a little too presumptuous. He didn't believe that Mustang really cared that much about him at all.

But he swiftly continued on speaking in his usual rough tone, shaking off the unwelcome bitterness and replacing it with relief, grateful that he wouldn't have to talk to Roy about it since the man wouldn't mention it to him. He should be glad that the man had forgotten about it, why in the world would he want him to remember if all it would lead to would be a rather awkward and infuriating conversation in which he'd be taunted about the event that he'd witnessed?

The morning after that fateful night certainly held mixed emotions for Edward.

But he would contemplate those feelings later.


	3. Chapter 3: Finding A Solution

**A/N:** **Thank you to everyone who's been reading and favouriting! It makes me so happy to get the notifications :)**

**Hope you all enjoy! **Reviews are really appreciated, hehe.****

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><p><strong>Chapter Three: Finding A Solution<strong>

Pick up the paper. Read through its contents. Sign at the bottom of the page.

Repeat.

It was an easy job, but also an extremely tedious one, and Roy hated it with a passion. _'I'm going to be here for the entire night, seeing as how the Lieutenant threatened to shoot me if I don't finish them all.'_

He sighed, wishing that he was anywhere but here, and then glanced up at the clock. The insensitive hands stated plainly that the hour was late, and he longed for the ability to fast-forward time so that he could get out of his office quicker. Paperwork was the worst part of his job, he thought, staring down at his desk distastefully.

_'Hm,'_ he rested his face on his hands and thoughts of the papers in front of him slipped away, slowly being forgotten as they were replaced with much more interesting musings. _'I wonder if Fullmetal is at the bar again...'_

Catching onto that train of thought, his mind drifted.

'_It's been three days since I saw him there_,' Roy remembered, counting the days mentally. '_And I still don't know why he was dressed like a female_.' He had tried to stop himself from drawing to his own conclusions, but it was hard not to when he had so little information and when it felt like his focus just kept going back to the boy lately. None of the reasons he'd thought up seemed plausible, and that only added fuel to his rampaging contemplation.

_'I haven't seen him since he gave me his report,'_ he closed his eyes, reliving those moments.

Roy had felt the uneasiness that had practically radiated from the Elric, and so had considerately not brought up the subject that he knew was the reason why the Fullmetal Alchemist was feeling so anxious. But later, instead of relief or gratitude, he had seen the slight hurt and obvious shock in his burning gaze when the Colonel had not mentioned their late night encounter. '_Should I have said something? I thought that it would be easier for him if I didn't; he seemed so nervous, and I didn't want to pressure him into talking to me. But then, when I didn't, he looked so upset._'

Mustang ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. _'I hate not knowing anything! I want to know why he was doing what he was doing, why he was feeling what he was feeling when I didn't say anything, everything.'_ Startled by the sudden clenching in his chest and by the direction of his thoughts, he paused, needing to seriously rethink what had just crossed his mind.

_'Since when did I feel this way...?'_

It must just be that after all of these years of knowing the boy – no, he wasn't a boy anymore – and having to look out for him because of his rash behaviour, he had grown to really care about him and his well-being. Much like Hughes had felt, though he'd cared for them in an almost fatherly way, the Elric brothers had become much more than just people he and the rest of his soldiers saw on a regular basis; they'd become important people in their lives. Roy knew he'd always sought to protect the two from as much of the harsh things going on in Amestris as he could, but he also knew that they – Ed especially – could handle themselves, and wouldn't like to be so openly coddled. So he kept his concern carefully hidden.

If he has always felt this way since meeting him, then why _wouldn't_ the feelings have grown into what they are now? He was still protective of them, and the reasons why he wanted to know what was going on in Ed's life was because of this. It had to be. There was no other explanation for why he would be feeling this way, so worried and engrossed in the happenings in the younger Alchemist's life.

Then he jumped as someone cleared their throat.

His eyes snapped open, revealing a frowning woman clad in the standard military uniform. She observed him with her stern brown orbs as she spoke, "Sir, with all due respect, if you're not going to do your paperwork, you might as well go home and daydream there."

He looked back at her for an instance before turning his head to check the time for the nth time that evening almost wistfully. Because of the action, he missed Lieutenant Hawkeye's softened glance. Having known the man for a large part of her life, she could tell that there was something weighing on his mind, troubling him.

"Sir, are you alright? You've been more distracted than usual as of late." Her tone didn't lose it's serious edge, but it did turn more concerning. He wasn't just a superior officer to her, he was a dear friend and comrade, someone who had changed her life so drastically when they were younger, and it was her job to always protect him when the, often times, cocky man needed it.

He didn't reply verbally, only shook his head, leaving her without a true answer to whether he was or was not alright. Knowing that she was dismissed – and not liking that fact one bit – she scrutinized Roy a moment longer. Then she snapped a salute, precise and perfect as always, and turned to leave the room.

The black haired man watched her go and again found himself thinking of Edward. _'The Lieutenant has pretty hair, but she keeps it up all the time... That blonde is nice, but it's nothing compared to the golden colour of Ed's. Any woman would be jealous of it, it looks so soft...'_

Roy's breath caught and he felt warmth travel to his face. _'W-Why did I think of him like that?' _He cursed, even more embarrassed at his next thought made itself known in his mind. _'Nice going, Fullmetal, you go dress like a female and now I can't stop thinking about you as a woman!'_

"Sir, go home."

He looked up to see Hawkeye yet again; the woman had been watching him from the doorway. Her lips were set in a firm line, matching her authoritative voice. Her expression and stature made it clear that she was tired of him being there but not doing any work, and she wouldn't take no for an answer. Well, he didn't want to stay there anyway, so he wouldn't ignore her.

He stood, grabbing his long, black coat, and walked past her. Nodding his thanks to being let out early – and silently promising to finish his overdue work the next day, as well as that day's work early, as a sort of repayment – Roy headed outside, deciding to follow Riza's order-like suggestion.

_'First, however,'_ he though, sliding into his jacket as he moved. _'I have to make another stop.'_

So he was going to the bar, mind set on finding Edward and figuring out the truth. He hoped that doing so would stop the odd feelings, thoughts, and daydreams. But he couldn't shake the feeling that it wouldn't, and only when he knew why he himself was behaving the way he was could he be at peace with his mind, and heart.

The sense that the way he was feeling wasn't merely because he cared about the boy in merely a comradely and platonic way nagged at the back of his mind too much for his liking.

_'If he's not there, I'll wait until 11 and then leave. This isn't that important, not enough to skip out on __sleeping more hours, and actually, I don't even care if I get my answers or not. It just gave me an excuse to not do my paperwork...'_ He told himself, but knew he was lying; the anticipation in his stomach told him otherwise.

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><p><em>'... their lips connected, pouring warmth into his body. Breaths mingled as tongues danced, their bodies pressed together and arms wrapped around each other in a way that made him feel so secure. He opened his eyes to catch a glimpse of his lover and was immediately captured in two pools of black. They seemed to look deep into his soul – with eyes as dark as a starless night – and consumed him. But all he could feel was ecstasy...'<em>

Ed woke with a choked gasp. Clutching at the bed sheets that tangled around his body haphazardly, he struggled to catch his breath. His heart pounded in its confines beneath his ribcage, beating a sporadic rhythm that was loud in his own ears.

"W-What the fuck was that?"He asked himself, still breathing harshly, confused and frightened. _'My dream changed so drastically...'_

The blonde sat up and then stood, deciding on something that had been bothering him for the last few days.

_'I need to talk to him...'_

Idly, he wondered – and partially hoped – that if doing so might get rid of his dreams. No way would he come out and tell Roy anything specifically, but perhaps just talking to him about what the man had witnessed three days ago would help. Ed hated to admit it, but his dreams were beginning to scare him. Not because they were intimidating or about things from his nightmares – like about the Gate, human transmutations, or losing Alphonse or any of the other people he cared about – but because they were changing, becoming more _involved_ in his real life and the people in it than he liked.

_'Usually, I'm with some random person I've never met before and can't even make out what they look like. It's usually just all sensations, but now...' _He rubbed at his eyes roughly and without care that it hurt, as if doing so would erase the images he was seeing. _'It's bad enough that I'm having dreams like that in the first place. I know that biologically this is something that should be happening, but it's not like I'm sexually frustrated or whatever the fucking term is. This is ridiculous.'_

Quickly, he threw on the clothes he wore earlier when it was still daylight, but was careful to not be too loud as to disturb his brother. He was probably fast asleep in the room next door, even though the reason why he'd stayed in the study was to, in fact, study for his upcoming test at school. He didn't want to wake him if his hunch was correct.

Ed headed to the front door swiftly and stealthily, his trademark red coat flowing around him as he moved. He swung the door open and almost swore profanities very loudly when his brother appeared in his view suddenly.

Apparently, Alphonse was equally surprised because he squeaked a high-pitched sound and almost dropped what he held in his arms, the silver object fumbling in his hands before settling in his grasp once again. _'Cat food...?' _Ed snorted. _'Figures...'_

Since Ed was absolutely against getting a pet of any kind, Al had taken to feeding and caring for the strays that lived in their neighbourhood. There hadn't seemed to be that many, but as soon as he had started leaving food out for one, more started to appear around their house, until there were about five who relied on the young man for meals and kind treatment that consisted of being petted and played with.

"B-Brother? What are you doing up so late?"

"I could ask you the same question, Al, but I've got no time," he stepped passed his taller body and stepped down the small staircase. "I'm going to find Mustang."

There was a pause, and then a satisfied sigh came from Alphonse. The elder brother fidgeted as he walked, trying to understand why his brother's attitude screamed _'finally!' _He was probably so relieved that he was talking to _someone, _and for some reason Ed didn't understand Al had always tried to push him to talk to the bastard Brigadier-General all the time. So he was probably happy it was him, though he'd much rather it was himself that his brother talked to. Did he want them to try to kill each other or something? Roy "caring for him" was a bullshit excuse. All they ever did was argue...

"Where is he?"

"He's..."

That question stopped him in his tracks.

_'Where _would _that idiot be?' _Ed rubbed the back of his head, unravelling more of his messy ponytail in the process, and frowned. "Nice going Ed, where were you gonna go?" He chastised himself for his stupidity.

Al chuckled, catching the words that had been muttered under his breath. "Why don't you check the bar first? Miss Hawkeye mentioned the fact that the Colonel had been going there often, especially since a week or so ago. She isn't too happy about it though, but apparently he hasn't been going for any bad reasons that she could see so..."

His cheeks tinged pink. _'Is that because of me?' _Then he scowled at the ground, trying to mask his embarrassment with a more familiar emotion; anger. _'Stupid bastard should mind his own damn business.'_

"Thanks, Al. I'll be home in a little while."

His younger brother nodded. "Be safe."

Arriving at the bar minutes later, Ed prowled around, ducking his head whenever he saw someone who looked familiar from when he went there for... other reasons. He seriously did not need someone to mistake him for the "girl" that usually appeared at the bar, not when he was _himself _that night, the Fullmetal Alchemist. He didn't want to take any chances of someone connecting the dots by use of eerily similar appearance.

He glanced around in search of the older man and was rewarded because it didn't take his eyes long to latch onto the sleeping figure of Roy Mustang. He strode over and sat down across from him in the fairly small booth of mahogany colour. Taking his coat off, he idly checked his silver pocket watch. Yellow eyes widened at what they saw. _'It's almost midnight, how long has he been here? _Why _is he here?'_

Tired of just watching Roy sleep – though he enjoyed the unusual, peaceful and unguarded look on his face quite a bit – Ed reached over and smacked his subordinate's head insensitively in an attempt to wake him up.

With a grunt, Roy raised his head from where it lay on the table and stared dazedly at the boy.

"Ed... ward?" He questioned, voice thick from sleep. He blinked a few times and then appeared to regain his senses. Ed squirmed as he noticed that when his eyes cleared, Roy did not seem the least bit surprised to see him even though he asked the question, "What are you doing here?"

_'Maybe he _was _waiting for me...'_ He felt his heart squeeze in a weird sort of hope and excitement.

"Hey, Mustang," he motioned to the bartender. "I'll buy us a couple of drinks, alright?"

Roy's eyebrows raised and he opened his mouth as if to voice his scepticism, but then he closed it and looked expectantly at him, a small smirk flitting onto his lips. "Aren't you a little young to be drinking?"

"Young? I'm an adult now."

"Yeah, you are. I guess I just get confused because of your height."

He stuffed down the brief flare of anger because the statement hadn't been said with its usual condescendingly taunting tone. Instead he narrowed his eyes slightly, raising an eyebrow as he replied, "_I _guess you _don't _want a drink. Keep talking, bastard, and you won't get one."

The Brigadier-General seemed a lot more solemn than he was used to, as if he wasn't in the mood to banter with him like they normally did. The more than usual quiet coming from the man almost discouraged him, but Ed smiled warily and looked down at his hands. A serious look crossed his features, and he had to pause a moment before he was able to say something again.

"There's... something we need to talk about."


	4. Chapter 4: A Glimpse Inside Two Hearts

**A/N: Happy Easter everyone~! Hope you all have a wonderful weekend :)**

**Thank you to everyone who has been reading this fic! And special thanks to those who have took the time to review! It always makes me happy to read what my readers think!**

****Hope you enjoy this chapter!****

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><p><strong>Chapter Four: A Glimpse of Inside Two Hearts<strong>

Swallowing his shot with ease, letting the burning sensation sharpen and clear his mind, Roy took the small opportunity to look over at Ed while the other had his gaze elsewhere. He surveyed the blonde who was presently staring down at his own drink. It was untouched, still filled to the brim with amber liquid.

He seemed relatively the same; nothing appeared to be immediately _wrong _about him. He still had that permanent wrinkle in his brow whenever they had a conversation, his eyes were still filled with emotions that were stirred from the constant motion his thoughts were always in. The boy never stopped thinking, never stopped feeling, was like passion and knowledge personified. He himself could be considered a man of ambition and intelligence, but he was nothing in comparison to the Fullmetal Alchemist.

As if he sensed his eyes on him, Edward met his stare and then quickly looked away, frowning. "What are you looking at, bastard?" he snapped, not liking the fact that he'd been the sole focus of the other's attention for quite a while at all.

Roy smirked and thought, _'You'_, but he didn't voice the rather obvious answer. Instead he decided to counterattack and ask his own question. "Are you going to drink that, Fullmetal?"

Said alchemist peered back down at his shot, as if contemplating whether or not he was in fact going to, and then resolutely slid the glass across the table. "Not in the mood I guess. I only drink when I'm with someone I _actually_ want to be around."

Raising an eyebrow condescendingly, he replied smoothly, "You're the one who came to me willingly, remember?" _'Why did he come?' _He still hadn't really been informed. "That reminds me," he watched the younger male carefully for his reaction to what he was about to ask. "Why are you here?"

Edward turned pink, a nice compliment to his tanned skin, and Roy found it quite attractive on him. It was a lot more appealing when he turned this shade because of embarrassment rather than anger like most of the time. The teenager opened his mouth and then snapped it shut. A frown pulled his lips down. He looked conflicted, like he doubted his will over whether or not to speak. "It's about... y'know, that other time... when you saw me here..."

He nodded automatically, having already suspected as much. In an attempt to hide his eagerness to find out more information, Roy prompted him on with a seemingly bored and monotone remark. "Care to explain why you were dressed as the opposite sex?" He watched, amused, when Ed's eyes widened and he was momentarily rendered unable to speak as an automail hand clamped down over his mouth.

"Shut up! Don't say something like that when someone might hear you!" Came the hissed warning. The older man held up his hands as if in surrender and shrugged lightly, the amused grin that would have appeared hidden beneath the metal over the lower part of his face.

Fullmetal dropped his hand then, and bit his lip, appearing nervous again. It was something so unusual considering he was usually the epitome of cockiness at work and when it came to alchemy. But when the subject turned personal he seemed to clam up and become wary and uncomfortable like a cornered wild animal. _'He looks so... amiable and cute like that...' _Blinking in shock when that thought entered his mind, Roy found it to be true – at least, in a completely unattached subjective way, he convinced himself.

However his mind couldn't help but elaborate on that feeling; memories of seeing Edward dressed as a girl, when he had given in his report earlier that week, and mainly of the daydreams he was having of the boy flashed before his eyes. All of his feelings during those moments pointed in one direction that he would have never imagined.

_'Do I have feelings for Ed?'_

The question startled him and he immediately denied such a thing as being the truth. _'I was only concerned for him, that's why he plagued my thoughts. I was just in the dark and didn't understand why he was being so unlike himself nowadays.' _So of course the boy had been on his mind often recently, it was only natural considering the circumstances. _'Besides,' _he added, _"Anyone would call Fullmetal cute – when he's not being a infuriating brat – seeing as how he's still so short even though he's an adult now and all.'_

Almost as if to confirm his latest notion, the one about him losing track of his thoughts whenever a certain State Alchemist entered his head, Roy looked up and swallowed, realizing with a start that Ed was watching him weirdly, almost restlessly. "Uh..." The Colonel grabbed the drink that sat between them and brought it to his lips. "... What did you say?"

Edward glared at him darkly and turned a shade of red. "You didn't listen _at all_, did you?" He accused angrily, barring his teeth. "Fuck, you were just staring off into space..." The blond cupped his chin in his flesh hand, its elbow on the table top, and tapped his flushed cheek with his fingers in agitation.

Hiding his embarrassment and guilt at being caught, he downed his second drink. Roy almost choked on the burning alcohol when Ed spoke his next words.

"I wish I was you..."

There was an almost wistful sigh after that, but he didn't hear it, too shocked to speak for a few seconds. When he finally regained his voice, after coughing and staring open-mouthed, he wondered if he heard right. "I'm sorry, but what did you just say?"

The young alchemist leaned back, resting his head against the leather cushions of the booth and closed his eyes slowly. He didn't seem to be able to hold still in the same position for more than a couple of minutes. "You heard me right; I wish I was you. I mean, I don't wanna be as much of a dog of the military as you, or a lazy, cocky, pompous, bastard with a god complex that–"

"I get the point," he interjected in a mild tone, not at all hurt by what he was called because those were names he was accustomed to hearing said from that mouth.

Ed continued as if he hadn't spoken, lost in the track of his own thoughts, "–but you have it so _easy_." Roy noticed the utter exasperation in his voice but didn't speak to question him yet, allowing the Elric to continue at his own pace, though he was itching for answers.

However, the boy didn't offer any more explanation and instead opted to opening his eyes and fixing Mustang in his golden, mesmerizing gaze. The man felt a pang of sadness at the lost and confused look that Ed wore. His face always seemed open with his emotions, his rashness and complete ease with himself made him almost seem like an open book. But because his mind was so intelligent and worked in such extraordinary ways, knowing what he was thinking was almost impossible at the best of times.

"What's going on, Fullmetal?"

For a while, there was silence. Ed's eyebrows knit together and he broke their brief eye contact. He bit his lip, pinching the delicate skin between in teeth, and Roy began to wonder if the boy was actually going to speak. It didn't seem likely. But then something in Edward's eyes caught his attention.

The yellow orbs were glimmering, the something making them shine in the bar's lights. It added more depth to the raw – if suppressed – emotions already swimming in the pair.

No way could he be seeing what he thought he was seeing.

Roy froze, transfixed in confusion and overwhelming concern. But he didn't know how to act. _'I'm not good at comforting people, what do I do?' _He asked himself, frantically searching his scrambled mind for something. '_There's no way he's actually _crying."

No, he let out a short breath he'd been holding. It was just a trick of the lighting. It had to be, because in the next instance Ed looked up and his gold eyes were flat with ire.

Ed didn't give him the chance to have to make a decision of how to act, because he stood up abruptly, looking absolutely mortified. His hands were slammed down onto the tabletop, gripping the wood with the strength of his muscles. He shook his head roughly and forced bitter words out past his lips even though his jaw was clenched tightly.

"Why the fuck am I even here? What did I think would change by doing this?"

Roy wanted to say something, he really did, but had no idea what that something would be. It wasn't the move Ed had been looking for apparently, because his silence only seemed to make him fill with more anger. He shook his head again and spat out, "Of course, why would you even _care_?" before he spun around and stomped out of the bar, leaving a speechless and confused Brigadier-General behind.

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><p>His boots scuffed along the ground as he walked, wanting to get home as quickly as possible. If he'd been wearing a female's clothing, he might have looked for someone to help distract him for a couple of hours, but seeing as how he was dressed in his everyday work clothing, there was no way. Someone would almost certainly recognize him, and that would cause a lot of problems that Ed was not ready or willing to have to deal with.<p>

It would surely cause an uproar, and while at first it sounded hilarious, he knew the consequences would be far from funny.

He sighed angrily and ran a rough hand through his long bangs.

'_Sorry, Al, looks like I wasn't able to talk to someone after all_.'

He went home, having nowhere else to go, and because he still had a million things going on in his head he regretted not drinking that drink he'd ordered. It would have made him feel better, settled the thoughts. But then he grinned, realizing that yes, _he _was the one who had ordered the shots from the bar owner, but because he had left, _Roy _would be the one who had to pay for them.

That fact almost made not staying to drink his shot worthwhile.

The next day included nothing noteworthy.

He's had to go out to do some of the shopping – it having been his turn many weeks ago since they were _supposed _to alternate every week, but Ed always seemed to have a way of getting out of doing it – and that was nothing special. He'd tried to do it as fast as he could, grabbing everything on the list that Al had given him without a second thought. Until he'd been forced to go into the dairy section, in which he'd practically sprinted and reached in blindly to fetch a carton of milk. He'd dropped it into the basket he carried like it was poison, and gave it a complete look of disdain.

Now that he was finished, having paid, he walked down the sidewalk towards home quickly. He wanted nothing more than to go home and start reading the new book he'd started, thankful for the break from any military assignments. Sometimes they were enjoyable, and helped his knowledge of alchemy and other subjects grow. Other times, the assignments were utterly boring, and he was glad that now he could simply go home and read without any other worries.

Well, figuratively, of course. Since he still had a lot to worry about.

Arriving home without any trouble, Ed paused after he unlocked the door and swung it open. He'd walked a few steps inside the hallway and closed the door gently, and then his brow creased in confusion when he could hear the steady sound of his brother's voice. Was someone over at the house? Who could he be talking to? Kicking off his boots and hanging up his coat, he walked into the living room to find out.

"Yeah, of course! ... Don't be silly! ... Hahahaha, that's true, that's so true."

Ed watched from the doorway as his brother burst into laughter, the phone pressed against the side of his face as he sat on one of their chairs. His eyes were alight with amusement and happiness, obviously enjoying the conversation he was having with whoever was on the other end of the line. It wasn't very difficult for him to deduce who that person was; only one woman could make his brother smile that big and blush that brightly without even being in the room.

Alphonse's gaze flicked around the room for a moment, and then he finally noticed him. "Oh! There's brother now! It's Winry on the phone," he paused because the person Ed had rightly suspected was speaking into his ear, before turning to him again. "Come over here, she wants to talk to you for a bit."

He went over, taking the phone in his automail hand before plopping himself down on the arm of the chair. He probably would have sat on his brother just for the fun of it, but Al had smartly stood up before he had the chance to. "Hey, Winry, how're you doing these days?"

"Ed! It's great to hear your voice after so long," her stern tone was not something surprising. "I'm fine. How's your automail? Nothing broken, right? I guess that's not something I should get my hopes up over though since you always seem to manage to destroy it one way or another."

His grin would have been characterized as masochistic because he seemed to be happy about getting a lecture, but that wasn't the case. He was just glad to hear that Winry was still the same as always, and however much she could sometimes get on his nerves, she was still a dear friend, family almost, and so he could withstand her rants about auto-mail and dangerous lifestyles.

"Ha, don't worry about it! I don't need anything fixed. I actually haven't been taking any dangerous assignments lately."

"_Edward._.."

"I'm serious, I haven't. But if you're so insistent that I _should _be taking on life-threatening assignments for the military like the dog they want me to be then-"

"I didn't mean it that way, idiot!" Winry cut him off angrily, but after he heard her exhale loudly – as if trying to keep her temper under control – she continued speaking in a much softer, but still serious, tone. "How are you?"

"Huh? What kind of question is that? I'm perfectly fine."

"Not according to Al. You're worrying him with whatever you're doing but not telling him about. You should trust him, Ed, maybe he can help you with whatever is going on."

"I do trust him, Winry. Never haven't in my life."

"Then there's no excuse for you to not tell him something that seems to be big and important!"

He opened his mouth to make a retort, but couldn't quite think of something to say. She _did _have a point; he'd always told Al everything, so why wasn't he telling him what was going on with him currently? He didn't think it was really anything that important, but since the dreams were getting worse...

"Promise me you'll at least _try_, Edward. You know better than I do that he'd never let anything cloud his feelings for you. He'd never leave you, no matter what you've done, you know that."

"Yeah... Wait, what's that supposed to mean? I didn't do anything wrong! What's with the two of you and assuming the worst about me?"

Winry laughed into the receiver, and he couldn't help but crack a smile in response.

"Thanks, Win. And I will talk to him, just, when I'm ready, okay?"

"No problem, Ed. Tell Al I'll talk to him later."

"Sure thing."

After saying their farewells, Edward hung up.

The younger Elric brother walked in just as the conversation ended, holding a glass of water out. He smiled at the other when he took it from his outstretched hand. "Winry seems to be doing fine. She was telling me that a lot more people have asked her to help out with their auto-mail and other machinery. She's so happy about it."

"Mhm," he murmured as he took a sip of water, not really paying attention to the words being spoken to him. It wasn't that the topic was of minimal interest to him, nor was it because he didn't want to listen to something that Al was talking about. It was just that his mind was still thinking about what Winry had said to him.

Perhaps talking to him would do him a lot of good. It would ease Al's heart and worries, he believed, and that was the main reason he would confide in him. He wouldn't do it for himself, no. To him, Al would always be more important than himself.

Two days from then would be one of his days off from school. So maybe...

Yeah. He'd tell him then.


	5. Chapter 5: Inner Turmoil

**A/N:** **Thank you to all readers and reviewers, you make me so happy! Haha.**

****On another note, this is almost about half way through the fic!****

******Hope you all enjoy!******

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><p><strong>Chapter Five: Inner Turmoil <strong>

The silence of the house was a little eerie and unnerving, but Edward was a lot more used to being up at a late hour in order to sneak out lately, as bad as that sounded. He'd be going out tonight as a female, having not done so in quite a few days. The dreams were starting to drive him crazy, making rest something hard to come by, and so he'd resigned himself to the fact that he had to go out that night.

He got dressed quickly and quietly, more often than not his gaze resting on the sleeping form of his brother across the room. If he woke him up, things would turn awkward very fast, and he had no wish for that to happen. He shuffled out into the hallway when he was finished, only pausing before doing that to reach in to the back of one of his drawers to grab the small bottle of perfume Winry had left at their place many months ago.

The black jacket he pulled on over his tank top made sure that his auto-mail arm was covered, and after making sure he looked alright – pulling up his hood for good measure so that he wouldn't stand out as much – he walked out of the house.

The air that blew around him was slightly cold, but not too much that he couldn't handle it. It wasn't causing his auto-mail ports to ache, so that was fine. Ed looked up at the glittering sky, smiling bitterly at how pretty it looked. He really needed to stop having to resort to these methods to resolve his problems, to stop the dreams, but without another way of doing it...

He really didn't know what else he could do.

Edward played his little role at the bar without really thinking about it consciously, his mind wandering as his body and lips moved in accordance to what the man he'd purposefully caught the attention of wanted. Without a hitch he was able to convince him to follow him outside and into the dark recesses of an alleyway.

The man began kissing him with abandon, and Ed let him do as he pleased, not really caring. His mind was too busy going over all of the thoughts that raged around inside. He really didn't even notice if he was that good looking really, only now glancing over his features for a split-moment. Hair the colour of midnight, slightly rounded face, well-built, and dark eyes that reflected his own gold and black appearance. He wasn't the most alluring, but it didn't really matter.

After a while, when he'd had his fill and didn't want to continue any longer, he pushed the man away.

"Thanks," he slurred drunkenly. Ed resisted the urge to gag suddenly, and turned away, rubbing his mouth with the back of his gloved hand.

He hated this. Before he'd been able to do it without too much thought or worry – it made him feel better, that had been all that mattered – but after that night when Roy had seen him... And then when Alphonse started getting really worried...

After that he started feeling sick whenever he thought about what he was doing.

The last bleary and warm moments of his dream drifted away as Edward was slowly awoken from his slumber. Those last fragments were always strange to experience, because they happened when one's mind was becoming aware of the fact that what it was seeing, hearing, feeling was not reality, which made it almost surreal. He opened his eyes groggily, breaking himself off completely from the world of dreams, and sat up, the soft sheets from his bed slipping down his bare chest to rest pooled around his waist.

That dream had been pleasant – not that the ones he usually had weren't – and mild, which he was grateful for. It seemed that whenever he actually went out and acted on those romantic and sexual whims, his mind seemed to settle down a bit, and the dreams for the next few days were of normal, abstract things that he had trouble holding onto even a mere minute after waking. They left him feeling content, even if he longed to curl up under the covers again and lose himself in the gentle realm of dreams. Those types were a lot more satisfying and a whole lot less confusing than the sexual ones.

A call from downstairs reminded Ed that he really should be getting out of bed, however his body didn't seem to be obeying him at that point in time, and so his movements were sluggish. He ran a hand through his hair, combing it with his fingers, and yawned widely. He vaguely wondered why he woke up so early, and why his brother seemed so adamant for him to wake up – he'd been calling his name repeatedly for the last quarter of an hour.

"Brother! Come on, you have to get up _now_. You're already going to be late as it is! The Brigadier-General and Lieutenant Hawkeye are probably waiting for you!"

"_Fuck_!"

The curse flew loudly and unceremoniously out of his mouth as he scrambled to get out from the confines of his blankets. Tripping and stumbling his way around the room, Ed grabbed the first articles of clothing he set his eyes on, continuing to swear under his breath as he went. The reason he was supposed to wake up that early was because he was expected at Headquarters in order to get his next assignment from Mustang. Now he was probably going to be late, and he'd never hear the end of it if the bastard got his way.

He scooped up the tank top that lay next to his bed, pulling it over his head at the same time that he was hopping with one pant leg of his leather pants on his body. He wasn't the most graceful person most of the time, but he really couldn't care less about that.

After getting clothes on, Edward ran down the stairs and into the kitchen just in time to nearly avoid colliding with Al who had probably been on his way to drag him out of bed. The younger yelped in surprise and pressed himself against the counter, making room for the Fullmetal Alchemist who had renewed energy once he'd figured out how late he was going to be. Ed grabbed a piece of toast left out for him and stuffed it into his mouth, grabbing his coffee – two spoons of sugar, no milk – simultaneously.

"Brother, slow down! You're going to end up choking. Did you even wash your face or brush your teeth?"

"No time," Ed replied, though because his mouth was filled with food it came out a bit more jumbled than that. Nonetheless, Al was able to understand and frowned in response, putting his hands on his hips. It was during moments like these that he really reminded him of Winry, and the thought made Ed snort, and promptly almost cause coffee to spurt out of his nose.

"Brother–"

"Fine, fine!" He probably still had a few minutes, thankfully, meaning that if he was quick, he could still make it in time and not have to suffer from an arrogant lecture courtesy of Roy Mustang. Edward ran upstairs to the bathroom and rubbed away at his teeth almost painfully with the toothbrush before splashing some water onto his face. He dried himself off with a towel and then sprinted back down the steps, grabbing his red coat.

"Bye, Al!"

"Bye–" Before he could even finish, Edward had already run outside and slammed the door shut, leaving Alphonse alone in the kitchen. "... brother..."

No way was he going to be late. No way, because though he'd feel satisfaction for making the Flame Alchemist wait, it would be short-lived when said man started lecturing him and taunting him for being tardy. He'd learned the hard way from purposefully being late before, and there was no way that he would let that happen another time.

He made it to HQ in record time, only slowing down once he was passed the front doors so he wouldn't accidentally ram right into an unsuspecting military officer. Ed took the time walking to Mustang's office to catch his breath, the air heaving in and out of his lungs because of the large amount of running he'd done since waking up that morning. His lungs burned and his stomach grumbled loudly in protest because he hadn't been able to eat very much.

Never again. Next time, he'd wake up the first time Al called his name.

After regaining the ability to breathe normally, he turned around the corner of the hallway that led to his destination and blinked up in surprise when he came face to face with someone he knew very well.

"Hey, boss!"

"Havoc?"

He tilted his head slightly, meeting the familiar brown gaze of one of his friends and comrades. The man grinned down at him, a cigarette ever present between his lips, the smoke from it drifting upwards in a small cloud. He looked as if he was about to say something, but whatever it had been was lost when Ed reached up and snatched the cigarette from his mouth, crushing it in his auto-mail hand to extinguish it before Havoc could protest.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye would kill you if she caught you smoking inside. You didn't learn the hard way the last, I don't know, five times it's happened in the past?"

He winced, but the grin manifested on his face again mere seconds later. He could see his point clearly.

"The Brigadier-General's waiting for you, better hurry before he goes out."

'_... Goes out..?_'

Ed merely shrugged and scowled, showing in those two small actions the amount of dislike he held toward the fact that he was being called for like a dog. Like a _military _dog, really, which annoyed him even more. No way was he some trained animal, some person who had no mind of their own and only did what they were told to do.

Jean Havoc saluted him in a loose manner before moving to walk passed him, but before he even got a few paces away he halted and spun back around. Feeling his eyes on him, Ed turned around as well, raising an eyebrow in silent enquiry over why he was being stared at.

"Hey, boss, wait a second..."

And then he leaned forward, bringing his head down to the Fullmetal Alchemist's level, and _sniffed_ him.

"W-What– What do you think you're doing?"

He continued to scrutinize him, and then asked, "Are you wearing perfume of some sort?"

Ed balked and his eyes widened. He managed to growl out the words "What the fuck?" in order to appear angry, trying hard not to let his surprise and guilt show on his face. He could feel his cheeks turning a deep shade of red, and he spluttered in an attempt to figure out what to say. "Why in the world would I wear perfume, Havoc? Are you insane?"

The Lieutenant paused, absentmindedly taking out another cigarette from his pocket and placing it between his lips as he thought. He didn't light it, knowing that it would be ripped away if he did, but it was still there, like a comfort of some kind. But when he smiled, Ed swallowed nervously. Havoc wasn't a stupid man – he was actually quite intelligent – and so seeing that knowing expression made him worried.

"Oh, I understand now, boss. There's no reason to get all defensive about it."

"W-What?" He squeaked.

The older of the two reached out and patted him on the shoulder before explaining, "If you went out and had a little bit of fun with a woman, that's perfectly normal! Especially for your age! I was beginning to wonder, because you didn't seem to ever let loose or try to find romance, so this really a good thing."

Ed's mouth opened and closed like a fish, unable to come up with anything to say in reply. His mind had just shut down completely in shock. Havoc shook his head and grinned at the look on his face before turning around to start walking away.

"I'll see you later, boss!"

The eighteen-year-old stood there for a few seconds after he left, mouth still agape in utter astonishment. He should be relieved that he hadn't found out the real truth, but he seriously couldn't be satisfied with the conclusion that Havoc had inevitably come to. Though, when he thought about it, he should have expected something like that since the man seemed so focused on women and having a girlfriend most of the time.

But the question was; why had he thought he was wearing perfume?

Ed glanced down and inspected himself, and then nearly hit himself for not realizing it sooner.

He was wearing the same tank top he'd worn the night before when he'd gone out to the bar. Of course it smelt like perfume, because he'd used that bottle Winry had forgotten at his and Al's house before. It probably smelled like alcohol as well. How had he not noticed it sooner?

He let out a breath of air. All of these close calls with people almost – and partially – finding out about his secret were extremely discomforting and aggravating now. '_Maybe it would be better if I just stopped doing it altogether, before things start to get complicated..._'

But the suggestion was not one that really stuck in his mind. If he did stop, he worried that his mind would be overcome with the dreams and feelings and that he might end up acting out in public while dressed normally – as in; like himself, his real self – or snap and accidentally do something a little too intimate with someone he was close to. Ed paled at the thought, because he really did not want something like him kissing Alphonse or _Hawkeye _or someone else to happen. That would cause a lot of problems, and probably a lot of broken bones if it happened with the later.

Letting out some of the frustrations he'd been filled with for the passed few months by going out to the bar and meeting people made him feel better, less stressed, so a huge part of him didn't want to stop because it was one of the only things that could relieve the strange growing weight in his heart.

He shoved his gloved hands into his pockets and continued walking down the hall, not even pausing once he stood before Mustang's office. The blonde slipped around Fuery who had been heading out – he waved in greeting, unable to resist the action when the young man was smiling so kindly at him – and then subsequently almost ran straight into the person who was the whole reason for him being there.

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><p>Roy looked up – really, it should be '<em>down<em>' since Edward was shorter than him – in surprise when he realized he'd almost walked straight into the person he was supposed to be having a meeting with. He blinked at the flushed face, narrowed eyes, and hands shoved in pockets, wondering if something happened to anger him that morning. If something had, it had probably been something foolish, because Ed was easily provoked into angry fits.

A smirk curled his lips before he could stop it. "Good morning, Fullmetal. It's lovely how you managed to be late when we were supposed to meet at, hm, ten, was it?"

It took Ed a few seconds to connect the dots mentally, and when his expression morphed to one of great exasperation and annoyance at himself. Roy guessed that he'd slept in, and knowing Alphonse, he hadn't been left without someone to wake him up at the proper time. It was now eleven, meaning that the older Elric had probably mistaken the time and thought he was actually going to make it on time to receive his next assignment.

How the alchemist managed to do such a thing was beyond him, but since the realization itself seemed to have a big effect on him, Roy wouldn't add fuel to the fire. No need to when the fire was already burning fiercely.

He reached into his pocket and handed him an envelope that contained the information Edward would need to know. "It'll probably take you no time at all to do, but some of our alchemical researchers here in Central need some help with something they're working on."

Just as he was about to make his way out of the office like he had been before his exit had been blocked, Ed demanded sharply, "Where are you going? Aren't you going to brief me on what I'm supposed to do?"

Black eyes glittered in amusement. "Why, Fullmetal, I never knew you liked to listen to me talk _that _much. If you want me to explain everything to you so badly then of course I'll stay!" That comment was rewarded with a dangerous glare from the other. Roy held up his hands in an innocent gesture – or one of a man who didn't wish to be killed by some sort of rabid wild animal – and said, in a more serious tone, "Okay, okay. I'm going out for a walk. It's a beautiful day today!"

Ed shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose in vexation, but he couldn't help the fact that on occasion he was whimsical. It wasn't every day that most of his officers were out of the office, giving him some time to go outside for a leisure walk in peace. So he'd wanted to take advantage of the opportunity. Was that such a terrible thing?

"Won't the Lieutenant be pretty pissed if she notices you're talking a walk instead of doing your paperwork?"

The question was smoothly ignored, brushed off as something of unimportance. "You really should thank me for this assignment, Fullmetal. It's an easy one, and you get to go to the library and read. Isn't that what you like to do? I'm pretty sure it is, and I'm very _informed _about the things you like to do in your spare time."

Edward's eyes widened. He could obviously hear the hint in the words that showed he was speaking about other things, not just reading. He spun around to leave, however, instead of retaliating verbally, shoulders hunched in noticeable discomfort. The envelope was crumpled in his auto-mail hand, and the flick of a blonde ponytail was the last thing Roy saw before the younger man disappeared behind the corner.

He sighed. When would he stop running and just try to confide in him? Was he really someone that was completely untrustworthy in Ed's mind? Was talking to _him_ while in a difficult situation really such an impossible option?

The twisting feeling in his gut told him that he was definitely not alright with that idea possibly being true.


	6. Chapter 6: Admittance and the First Step

****A/N: Here's the next chapter everyone!****

****Thank you to all my readers and reviewers! It means a lot that you take the time to tell me what you think!****

****Hope you enjoy!**  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Chapter Six: Admittance and the First Step<strong>

Today was the day; time for the talk with Al.

Ed sat down in one of their armchairs, waiting for his brother who was currently in the kitchen fixing them coffee. When he came out he took his seat across from him, placing the two mugs between them on the table. Ed reached out and grasped his with his auto-mail hand, able to hold onto it constantly because he could not feel the burning heat from the liquid. Alphonse took a small sip from his own drink before putting it back down.

"Alright, start whenever you want, brother."

He looked up and then away in slight nervousness. With his flesh hand he rubbed the tip of his nose thoughtfully, trying to figure out exactly how he was going to go about retelling and explaining what he needed to say. Might as well start from the beginning, since that would probably be the most helpful.

So he explained how a few months ago he'd started having dreams. Not just any dreams, he had to clarify when Al had given him a sceptical look. Then he talked about the first night he'd went out, when the dreams started driving him crazy, and how he'd bumped into a guy after leaving the bar. He told him about how the man had mistaken him as a girl and had started kissing him. At first he'd wanted to beat the man to a bloody pulp, but for some reason he hadn't.

Ed trailed off because embarrassment had decided to settle itself inside of him, causing his cheeks to turn a rather rosy colour. Al hadn't said anything yet either, and so he wasn't sure whether or not he should keep going. But Al nodded shortly afterwards, signalling for him to continue.

Then Ed told him how for the next week or so the dreams had stopped, which was something he'd been greatly satisfied with. However, it hadn't lasted very long; the dreams started happening again. At his wits end, he'd suddenly had the idea to go out to the bar again, hoping that if he relived that night before, then the stupid passionate dreams would stop like they had the first time. But he knew that if he did something like that there was the huge risk that he'd be recognized, and that would surely cause a lot of trouble and disgraceful feelings for himself. That was when the idea to dress as a girl entered his mind, for it would be a lot harder for someone to recognize him as the Fullmetal Alchemist if he was wearing woman's clothing.

He didn't say anything in particular about what he was doing when he went out to the bar, but it was quite obvious and Al was no naive child any more.

Finished, Ed glanced up with his golden eyes and was greeted by the sight of his brother with a confused expression on his face. His eyebrows were furrowed, and he was biting his bottom lip. He could tell that Al was trying his absolute best to understand what he was being told, trying to make sense of it, but he really didn't know how his younger brother would be able to do such a thing when he himself hadn't been able to as of yet.

Then, unexpectedly, Al smiled. "So, what I'd thought was going on wasn't too far from the truth..."

Ed's jaw dropped in his surprise. "W-What do you mean?"

"Well, I'd suspected that _something _was going on. And after a while little things started to piece themselves together," he explained, a faint smile still on his lips. "First I'd thought I'd seen an article of girl's clothing under your bed, but I'd thought I was imagining things. But when I found a bottle of perfume in your drawer while I was cleaning, I knew I hadn't imagined _that_. Then one day, I was outside shopping and I bumped into Miss Hawkeye. She told me about how she'd followed the Brigadier-General to the bar at night and seen you there, too.

"I'd thought you were going to the bar to meet girls, and that maybe you'd brought one home one night. I didn't mention it because I didn't want to embarrass you, and it wasn't really any of my business," Al looked sheepish for a moment. "But when you started looking really upset as the days went on I started getting worried... I don't know whether or not to be glad that I was wrong, because I really don't know how to take the news that... my brother... is dressing... like a _girl_."

Ed bowed his head, hiding his flushed face with his long blonde bangs. Al had noticed a lot, and he hadn't realized it because he still treated his brother like he was an oblivious young boy. He felt really stupid for doing that. A sudden wave of anxiousness hit him. "So, you're not... mad? Or... I don't know... freaked out?"

"That you're dressing like the opposite gender? Or that you're not interested in girls?"

Ed flushed. "Uh... both?"

Al laughed, his eyes lighting up in amusement. "Of course I'm not mad, brother! It's your choice to do whatever you like with your life and your body. I'd only get mad if you were doing something that would hurt you." He paused, chewing on the inside of his cheek as he mused. "And well, I could see why you chose to dress as a female. It... makes sense, in a way. I mean, I'd rather hear about this all from _you _rather than someone else if they'd recognized you."

Alphonse grabbed their two, now empty mugs and walked into the kitchen, returning a few seconds later when he'd refilled them. He sat down once again and leaned forward, obviously having a new question to ask. "Why did you decide to start going out to meet people at the bar? You never seemed to be interested in... romantic relationships before."

Ed grinned in amusement, taking a quick drink before he replied. "What, you trying to become an Investigator or something, Al? What's with these questions?"

Al's lips upturned slightly, but he remained serious. "Whenever we do studies on human behaviour and health at school, in order to figure out why things happen we have to look at the biological side and the psychological side to the situation. So I need to know all the details. I'm going to use three different sides to help you."

"Three sides? But you only mentioned two."

Al smiled warmly and reached over to grasp Ed's hand in a comforting gesture. "Well, there's also the one where I look at this the way a brother would. You're not some textbook case that I'm studying in school, brother. That makes a difference."

Ed's humorous expression disappeared slowly, his mind working hard now as he tried to figure out an answer for his brother. The truth was that he didn't know any exact reason as to why he went out to meet people. It was just something that kept nagging at his mind constantly, and only after he went out and had some frivolous fling with someone was he able to sleep peacefully at night without his dreams being plagued by sexual images.

"I... really don't have an answer." He frowned in annoyance, not liking the fact that it seemed like he couldn't even understand something that had to do with _himself_. "It makes me feel better... for a while at least. Makes me forget a lot of things."

Al nodded slightly, as if he understood, though Ed couldn't fathom how he was able to.

"There isn't much I can do to help, brother. Not until you figure everything out yourself. But... to me, it sounds almost like you're... searching for someone. Someone you can be with. Maybe that sounds silly, but..."

The other laughed, shaking his head. "You mean I'm looking for my future lover? The person I'll spend the rest of my life with?" He snorted. "I've never really been interested in that sort of thing before, and I've never even really _liked _anyone, so..."

"It was just an idea, brother. But see, that's my point. You don't know why either, so you can't go saying my theory is so wrong."

Ed glanced up, chuckling softly at the miffed and frankly _pouty _look on his sibling's face. He hadn't meant to completely dismiss his idea without even considering it, but it did seem rather ridiculous in his eyes. Al was too much of a romantic, and his unspoken love for Winry was probably clouding his judgement and making him believe all the stupid fairy tales about true love and other rubbish like it.

"It's okay, Al. Just talking about it, telling someone, made things easier, you know? I hated keeping this a secret from you."

Al smiled softly, fondness for the other shining in his gaze. "Don't worry, brother. I'm sure things will start to get better soon."

* * *

><p>It was starting to get irritating, very irritating.<p>

Here he was, relaxing in the comfort of his living room. It was a beautiful day, one that was meant for relaxing and... well, that was it. It was the weekend, a day he didn't have work, and so it was glorious. So he should be completely content, of course.

Except that he wasn't.

Roy's mind had constantly been nagging him for about an hour now, trying to get him to take action. The fact that he'd still not found out anything about that night when he'd seen Ed dressed like a woman was still bugging him incredibly. It seemed like he would no longer be able to be satisfied until he found out what was going on.

It was very irritating that the blonde alchemist could have such an effect on his life.

However, for some reason, he knew that simply waiting for Ed to tell him would not result in anything. The Fullmetal Alchemist seemed to not know how to talk about it, and so always found a way out of doing so. That all meant that _he _would have to be the one to make the first move.

For them to have the chance to have a beneficial conversation they needed somewhere to go, and he needed to somehow get them both to be there at the same time. While he could always sit around at the bar every night and hope that he ran into the other, it seemed like a rather lousy plan in his mind.

So he would have to make sure they would go to the same place at the same time. They would have to go _together_, Roy figured out, frowning. Now how was he supposed to convince Ed to go anywhere with _him?_

He'd never know until he tried, though.

The Brigadier-General stood and walked over to his phone, picking it up before dialling a number he had long had committed to memory. After a few rings, a familiar voice answered. It wasn't the voice he'd been hoping for though.

"_Hello! This is Alphonse speaking_."

"Hello, Alphonse, it's Mustang."

"_B-Brigadier-General? Is something wrong? Why are you calling?_" He sounded concerned, and Roy thought that it was understandable, since he couldn't remember the last time he'd even called the Elric brothers' house.

"Nothing's wrong, Alphonse, don't worry. I was wondering if I could speak to Fullmetal?"

There was a pause. "_O-Oh, uhm, sure, of course. Hold on, I'll go get him_."

As he waited, he heard the muffled call of a name, some thumping, and then a rather loud voice spoke into his ear through the receiver.

"_Hello?_"

"Ah, Fullmetal, there you are. Took your time, did you?"

He could almost feel to glare through the phone.

"_What do you want, bastard? Why the–_" he cut off, skipping out on the swear word. Roy assumed it was because his brother was still in close proximity. Edward's vocabulary had always included profanities, but for as long as he could remember the boy consistently tried to use as few of them as possible when Al was nearby. "_Why did you call?_"

"I called to inform you that I'll be stopping by later."

"_W-What?_" Came the loud and demanding reply, outrage evident in his tone. "_Why are you going to–_"

But Roy didn't give him the chance to finish. "I'll see you later then. Goodbye now." And with that, he hung up.

Hopefully things would go according to plan. Then, finally, perhaps he'd be able to relax and have peace of mind.

* * *

><p>"Al! There's no food!"<p>

There was a slam as Edward closed a cupboard in the kitchen but other than that, there was silence. The blonde looked around, confused that he hadn't gotten a response. _'Is he ignoring me or something?'_

Deciding to investigate, he walked around their small house, searching. He'd been in his study for a few hours now and had only left because he'd started to get hungry. But seeing as how there was no food he could eat, his first reaction was to call Alphonse. He almost gave up when there seemed to be no sign of the other male, but then a small slip of paper caught his eye. It had been hanging by a pin on the front door.

_Brother,_

_I went out to the store to grab a few things for dinner. Knowing you, I'd better hurry. I'll be back soon, don't worry, I'll be fine. _

_Al_

A small smile lifted the corners of his lips and he stared at the neatly written note for a few moments. _'You're the best, Alphonse. You always look after me and know–"_

But his sentimental thought was interrupted when a loud knock sounded a mere foot from his face. Ed yelped and stumbled backwards, tripping over the coat hanger, sending it and himself tumbling to the floor with a crash and a flurry of coloured fabric. It was a rather painful fall thanks to the fact that there were many metal parts poking into his back and sides, but overall he came out without injury.

While he struggled to catch his breath, a voice called out from the other side of the door. "Fullmetal?"

Said alchemist scrambled back onto his feet, blushing in embarrassment and anger. Muttering under his breath that _'things like this only happen to me,' _he reached out to grasp the handle, unbolt the locks and open the wooden door a crack in order to hide the mess from view. "What do you want, bastard?"

Roy Mustang smirked down at him, clearly enjoying the fact that he seemed to be the cause of the other's ravished appearance. "Well, I'd ask if I could come in, but seeing as how you seem so _occupied_, I won't."

Ed glared at him in an attempt to cover how flustered he really was. "Is there a _point_ to why you came here? If not, you can leave now."

But he didn't take the suggestion. Instead, Roy leaned against the door frame, coal black eyes flashing in amusement. "Ah, you're no fun today, Fullmetal. I told you earlier that I'd be stopping by, did you forget something so _small _already? But I guess it's okay, hopefully you'll be in a better mood tomorrow night..."

Ed looked up at him, perplexed, and his brow creased. He was so confused by the last comment that he hadn't reacted to the emphasis the Brigadier-General had put on one of his most hated words. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I'm taking you out for dinner."

His golden orbs widened and his heart began to pound in his chest. "W-What?" was all he could say – though it was more of a squeak than an actual word.

Mustang's smirk resurfaced. "I'll pick you up tomorrow at 5 o'clock." He paused to lean forward so that his breath ghosted over Ed's ear. The action caused the boy's own breath to catch in his throat. "I'll let you decide what gender you come dressed as." Roy stepped back and smiled smugly at Edward's expression. Turning away, he waved over his shoulder at him, adding, "Don't forget!"

Once he was gone, Ed dazedly closed the door and, managing to manoeuvre himself through the mess even in his trance-like condition, flopped down onto the couch.

'_I couldn't even say anything..._' He thought helplessly. _'He was just _too damn close _to me. Great, now I'm going out on a date with Brigadier-General Bastard.' _

His face heated up and he buried it into a cushion, letting it smother him. _'A date with the Brigadier-__General...' _It kept repeating in his mind until it was all he could think about. _'What the hell? There's no way I'm going. He's a fucking bastard and I can't stand him. This is ridiculous.'_

When Al returned to the apartment an hour later, Ed was still face planted on the couch, unmoving. His brother took one look at him, glanced down at the mess in front of the door and then went into the kitchen. He began to make dinner, calling out that the food would be done soon. But he was answered by a non-committal grunt and a voiced _"Not hungry."_

Finishing the food, Alphonse headed back to the living room in time to see his older brother standing up. He frowned when he realized he'd been caught on his way to go to the kitchen even though he'd said he wasn't hungry. Al almost grinned, but then he'd realized that something seemed to be bothering the other.

"Brother?"

The boy halted and turned his head in his direction, but didn't raise his eyes. They stayed downcast, filled with something Al took as confusion.

"Are you alright? Anything happen while I was gone?" He didn't get an answer. Instead, Ed informed him that he was going out tomorrow night. Al stopped him when he went to walk passed him, and briefly glimpsed the splash of pink on his brother's tanned cheeks. "What does that mean?"

"I-I'm just going out to dinner, okay?" Another pause, and his cheeks burned an even darker shade of pink. "Just ask Mustang if you're so curious about what's going on and where I'm going..."

Alphonse was shocked to say the least, not expecting that as an explanation, and it took him a moment to respond. "The Brigadier-General? Is that why he called earlier? He's taking you out to dinner? _Really?_"

"Yeah, the bastard is. So you don't have to worry o-or anything."

Before he could say anything else, the pony-tailed blonde slipped around him and hurried into the kitchen to grab some food. By the time Al followed he was already shovelling food into his mouth, making it apparent that he was not able to continue their conversation.

After they both finished eating, Ed went to his study room, leaving Al to do the dishes.

"Now I'm even more worried..." He sighed softly as he cleaned up. "Perhaps talking to him will do some good but... Be careful, brother. I have a feeling things may not turn out the way you think..."


	7. Chapter 7: Revelation

**A/N: I am so so so sorry this chapter took absolutely forever! But it's finally here!**

**I just hope there are still people who want to read it, haha.**

**(I also decided to read over and edit the previous chapters a bit, fixing a few mistakes and adding little details. There aren't any major changes though, and nothing change plot-wise)**

**Hope you all enjoy! Reviews are greatly appreciated!**

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><p><strong>Chapter Seven: Revelation<strong>

_4:43._

The clock ticked away the minutes, the hands proudly displaying the time to all who wished to see it. At the moment only one pair of eyes gazed upon its face, staring with an intensity and nervousness that was almost palpable in the air.

Edward tapped his fingers idly on the arm of the couch he was currently sitting on. He'd finished getting dressed and ready only a few minutes ago, but his reaction to the ensuing ones made it seem as if he'd been waiting for hours. The seconds seemed to take forever to pass, which irritating him to a great extent.

He hated how he appeared to be _looking forward _to going out to dinner with the Brigadier-General, when he really, _really _wasn't. He was just naturally impatient, which was true. That was all.

_4:49._

Unable to sit still any longer, he got to his feet and walked our of the living room and into the hallway. He slowed when his eyes latched onto a glimpse of gold and black. Pausing, Ed turned and stared into his reflection in the mirror that hung on one wall.

He took in the young man that stood before him. He was of average height – a little shorter, most would say, but he definitely wouldn't – and his young face was free of blemishes of any kind. Blonde hair was pulled back into a high ponytail, the long locks falling passed his shoulders in a straight column. He wore a black turtleneck, the soft fabric hugging his frame in a flattering and still comfortable way.

It still took some getting used to, even for himself. It wasn't just the physical differences either, because it was the mental and emotional ones that stood out more. He could still remember the days where he had been younger, more reckless and dangerous and _angry_. Half of his mind still lingering in the past even as he crashed forward into the future. He was still all of those things, but they had smoothed out over the years, his emotions calmer thanks to having gotten Alphonse's body back to it's original and natural state. He could still, on any good day, beat almost anyone to a bloody pulp or burn their ears off with his loud and biting comments.

He'd matured. But some things just didn't change.

Returning to the living room, Ed's eyes flicked up to the clock again.

_4:57._

This was getting ridiculous. He felt like one of those young girls getting courted, waiting eagerly for the man who would sweep them off their feet. This wasn't a date, not in that sense! He was simply going out with a comrade, a friend he would say since he was in a good mood, and that was it. This wasn't romantic in the slightest, though he was sure Roy would make it seem like it in order to irritate him. He breathed out sharply through his nose. The man wasn't even there yet and he was already making him annoyed and flustered.

_5:01._

"Great! He's late!" Edward exclaimed angrily, in an unnecessary act of pettiness. "Just because he thinks he's so important and that I should be honoured to have dinner with him doesn't mean he can–"

His tirade was cut off when there was a knock at the door. He nearly jumped, even though he'd been waiting for that knock for the passed many minutes. Heading over to it, he hesitated with his hand on the doorknob after he'd unlocked it. What was he doing, seriously? Going out to dinner with Roy Mustang after everything that had happened in the last week?

"Go on, brother, he's waiting."

He looked up sharply at the sound of Al's voice and saw that the other had been sitting on the steps of their staircase. He was smiling in amusement and Ed felt a flash of embarrassment. His brother had probably heard his rant moments ago.

"Right. I'm off then. Be back... later," he replied, nodding shortly with a small smiled before he swung open the door and stepped outside, greeting his date-who-wasn't-a-real-date as he shut it closed behind him.

* * *

><p>"Nice of you to finally show up. You take forever, Brigadier-General."<p>

"Nice of you to finally come outside. Didn't think you were looking forward to this so much, State Alchemist."

Ed shot him an unamused look before scoffing and setting off down the sidewalk. Roy followed quickly, hands shoved into the pockets of his long black coat. When they reached an intersection he motioned with his head toward the direction they would be going, letting the other believe he was the one leading the way. Roy shook his head, laughing silently to himself. The other had way too much pride sometimes.

Tonight would be the night where he would get Edward to tell him everything. He was resolved to that, needing answers to his questions. It wasn't just that, however. He also honestly wanted to know what was going on so he could help in any way possible. It was rare to see the older Elric brother in turmoil these days, and he didn't like it at all. The male deserved the peace he'd had since getting Alphonse's body back.

As they stepped out of the shadow of a building, Ed's hair shone in the light of the sun, the glowing light making it look like spun gold as the strands blew in the breeze. When his gaze raised to meet his, Roy had to swallow tightly, for his eyes were just the same, if even more beautiful. He was stunning. That fact hit him hard, and he had to wonder how he'd never noticed it before.

The younger of the two quirked an eyebrow, mouth twitching slightly in amusement even though his voice sounded annoyed. "What, is there something on my face?" Roy was quick to smirk in response to cover up the fact that he'd just been admiring him, making the other shake his head. "If there was you wouldn't tell me anyway, would you? Bastard."

They arrived at the restaurant a few minutes later, Edward shuffling inside without the civility to hold the door open for his older superior. Roy didn't say anything about it, but the edges of his lips lifted slightly.

"Ah, Mr. Mustang, it's good to see you again."

He turned and a smile automatically appeared on his lips at the sight of a very familiar waitress. She in turn smiled, greeting him with a small bow of her head, long brown hair falling forward around her face. "Maria, hello. It's good to see you as well." She was a woman he'd casually dated a year or so ago, and though they were no longer together they still maintained a friendly relationship.

Maria's big eyes moved on to focus on Edward, who seemed to be shifting uncomfortably as his own gaze wandered around the interior of the restaurant. Roy and Maria shared a knowing look. It was obvious that the young alchemist hadn't been in such a high-class place to eat before, not that he could blame him considering how much he ate on a regular basis.

"A table for two I take it?" At his nod, Maria directed them to the left side of the restaurant. "Right this way then."

As she led them around other tables toward their own, Roy nodded at familiar faces, but didn't stray from his subordinate's side. Edward wasn't like most of his usual company, and so he was given a few curious looks from other waiters and waitresses who knew him well from his many visits. He found this oddly amusing, but didn't mention it to the other.

Once they were seated, Roy glanced over the menu. It was only after a few minutes that he glanced up at the person across from him, raising a questioning eyebrow, who was staring right back at him. When their gazes met, Ed flushed and looked to the side. A scowl formed and he opened his mouth in and almost unsure manner to ask, "Why?"

"Why what? You'll have to be more specific than that." He smirked back at the glare that comment received, folding his menu shut. He already knew what he was going to order anyway, so all that was left was for the other to and then they could order.

"You know what I'm talking about! Why did you ask me to, you know," he began, gesturing wildly with one arm at their surroundings. "come here with you?"

Roy tapped his chin as if deep in thought before replying honestly. "Well, our conversation the last time, at the bar, was cut short right when it started getting interesting. I think I deserve _some _answers or an explanation of some sort. Since I _did _witness your little... tryst. I thought we could clear things up while on one of our own per se, though I think this is a whole lot more classy than what you were doing that other time."

Edward's cheeks burned a bright red as he tried to splutter out an indignant reply, however he was stopped when Maria walked up to their table with a bright smile.

"Now, are you two ready to order?" She asked cheerily, oblivious to what had been going on in their conversation.

"Yes, I believe we are," Roy paused to smirk at Ed before telling her his order. His 'date' did the same, doing his best to sound nonchalant but failing appearance wise since his hands were clenched tightly. He would have to be more careful it seemed, otherwise a repeat of their encounter at the bar would most likely occur. "Could we have some wine as well, Maria?"

"Of course! I'll be back with your orders and drinks in no time."

They lapsed into a silence that was neither comfortable or the opposite, and like their waitress had said, she was back rather quickly with their meals. After thanking her, they dug in, Roy watching in amusement as Ed tried his best to not start shovelling the food into his mouth as what his usual way of eating. '_At least he was trying,'_ he mused. It was more than he'd expected.

"So, Fullmetal, are you going to start talking, or shall I start asking questions?"

Ed's hand halted on it's way to bringing up a forkful of food to his mouth. He pressed his lips together in a tight line for a moment, looking as if he was deciding on something, before he continue eating. Roy let him do so without complaint for a while, knowing that he wouldn't completely ignore him. If he had been planning to do that, then there was no reason for him to even accept his offer to join him for dinner in the first place.

It took a few minutes, but finally, when they were both close to finishing eating, he started to talk.

"I've been having these... dreams. They only started a few months ago, and in the beginning they weren't really a problem to deal with. But then they started happening more often. I can only get them to stop by going out and... meeting people."

Of course, 'meeting' had more meaning to it, but Roy didn't interject to say so. Edward already looked uncomfortable enough as it was, rushing through an explanation gruffly to get it over with, he guessed. When he stopped and gave him a look, he took it as him giving a chance to speak, and he decided to try to clear it up. "By dreams I take it you mean ones of the... mature nature, right? And not the kind that are nightmares."

Ed nodded, fidgeting with the pretty white tablecloth. He worried his lip, and Roy's dark gaze couldn't help but drop down to look at the action before it was drawn back up to meet it's golder counterpart. "That's it, really. I mean I thought the dressing up bit was self-explanatory. I don't want to get recognized."

Roy nodded, letting this new information settle in his mind. He'd been thinking along the right lines, assuming that the younger man was probably looking for a way to relieve pent of emotions. While he wasn't given much detail, Ed had significantly made a difference by telling him the main reason behind what he was doing, and he hoped that would quell his mind of it's tumultuous musings. Perhaps now he would be able to go about his day without thinking about the Fullmetal Alchemist every half an hour.

The other's nervousness and reluctance to continue on made it clear to Roy that it would probably be best to change the subject. Or at least make light of it. Avoiding the topic was something he didn't want to do, and so he settled on one of his usual courses of action when it came to conversing with Edward.

He made sarcastic and teasing remarks, making fun of him.

"Finally you're becoming a man. Giving into hormones was going to happen, it was only a matter of time. If you're not careful, you'll end up becoming like the Second Lieutenant."

"You mean Havoc?" There was a snort of laughter before Ed stabbed his empty fork in his direction as a means for pointing. "I could say the same about you, you know."

He looked scandalized for a moment as he picked up his napkin and wiped his mouth gently. "Me? Where would you even get that idea from?"

"Oh, I don't know, somewhere between all your talk of getting the female personnel to wear mini-skirts as part of their uniform and the hundreds of dates you have every year?"

"You better stop there or you're going to start sounding like you're jealous."

"Jealous? Why the hell would I be jealous? Who says I haven't done anything like that before now? With women?"

Roy simply laughed and shook his head, looking disbelieving. "I highly doubt it, but if it's true, do enlighten me, dear Edward."

He flushed and muttered something under his breath that was probably an insult, taking a large gulp of his wine. His nose scrunched up at the taste, but he continued to drink from it nonetheless. Roy watched this, all the while hiding a smile behind one of his gloved hands. Calling the other by his first name instead of his rank or title felt a lot different, more personal, and if he said he didn't like it then he would be lying.

_'...___ For now I'll leave it be even if I'm still curious, but we'll talk about this again some time soon, I'm certain. I need to make sure things don't stay like this, get better. It's just as they say; you'll do a lot for the ones you care about. Lucky you, Fullmetal, I think the great Flame Alchemist might be falling for you___,' h_e thought, smiling to himself.

* * *

><p>The sky was a mess of warm colours when they left the building. It was pretty close to dusk, the sun readying itself to set and give way to the luminescent beauty of the moon. They walked weirdly close beside one another for two people who usually weren't on the best of terms, and their conversation was almost civil and companionable. No one would probably believe it unless they saw it with their own two eyes.<p>

However, the moderately peaceful walk was interrupted, the moment shattered, when a man travelling the opposite direction rammed his shoulder hard against Ed's. The man staggered but didn't apologize, and the younger of the three spun around angrily to let loose a string of what were probably going to be profanities.

He stopped with his mouth gaping open when the man grinned lecherously at him, and then suddenly Edward was grabbed and pushed backwards. The obviously drunken man was surprisingly strong and able, even while intoxicated, and pinned the much smaller body against a wall of an alley with ease.

"My, aren't ya a pretty little thing?"

Ed stiffened in fury. "Who are you calling a pipsqu–?"

His curse-filled sentence was instantly forgotten when the other man reached around and grabbed his behind. Edward's treacherous mind gave out and went blank, disabling his ability to react and get away. It felt like, for a moment, his body and mind were not one, and he looked at the man closely, examining him instead of trying to fight him off.

His appearance was so much like the man who had first made a move on him, that brief flare of memory triggered probably because of his recent conversation about the encounter with said man. His brain, sensing something strange, continued to show him flashes of the other people he'd picked up at bars, all of their appearances lining up in his mind's eye. All the while this was happening, Ed was getting groped in the alleyway.

The pressure of another body pressed against his own is abruptly removed, and Ed's gaze blurred back into focus, coming back to reality. He looked up and caught sight of Roy shoving the man off of him, posing a mere second later with a hand raised, ready to snap and unleash the fury of his flames.

"I believe you've been mistaken into thinking that you can lay your hands all over my subordinate," he said in a voice so calm it was like ice, his tone hard and threatening even though he spoke so softly. With his other hand he reached into his pocket and flashed his silver watch, a sign that he wasn't someone to cross without care.

The drunken man, having probably realized how much danger he was in currently, fled in a hurry.

Ed was still frozen to the spot, looking like he'd just seen a ghost or something else completely unbelievable. Noticing this odd behaviour, Roy called his name gently, but he received no answer. The taller man bent down to look eye to eye with him.

"Edward, are you alright? Answer me, Ed."

His eyes focused and he looked at him in astonishment as if he'd forgotten he wasn't alone. However, he still didn't reply, instead letting his gaze flit over his commanding officer's face and physical characteristics. '_He looks so concerned... It's not like I'm bleeding or anything... His eyes are so dark, mysterious... Dammit, and he has to bend down to see me properly. I hate being smaller than everyone. But... with him leaning over me like this, so close, it doesn't feel strange at all, it feels familiar. I can feel his hair against my forehead. He never would make sure it was neat; it's as messy as ever. And he...'_

Edward's mind continued on his endless tirade of observations. It was trying to tell him something, something very important, but every time he came close to figuring it out it slipped through his mental grasp.

Tired of being ignored, Roy reached out to touch his face, the fabric of his gloves brushing the edge of his jaw to try to get his attention. Ed finally snapped out of it, the physical contact making a shock run through his body, and he shoved away from Roy. He gave the one last look of utter disbelief and confusion before he spun around and was running down the street towards his house.

Everything had finally clicked together. Now it all made sense. Now his brain had pieced everything together and shown him a fact that he hadn't been able to see before, something about the men he'd been picking up at bars that should have been so glaringly obvious but had escaped his notice.

All of them. _Every_ _single_ _one of them. _

But how could this be possible? Why did they all...

... so closely resemble the one and only Roy Mustang?


	8. Chapter 8: It Won't Be Long

**A/N: This chapter is shorter than most, but that's because it's mostly Roy and Ed figuring out their feelings and coming to terms with what happened. The next one will be longer, ha. Only three more chapters after this!**

**I wanted more Havoc, because I love him, so he gets a special appearance again! Yay.**

**Thank you for the reviews! They're always very appreciated!**

**Hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Eight: It Won't Be Long<strong>

Roy had been on his fair share of dates. Of course none of them were the exact same, each having details that made each one different from the rest. Some were ordinary and simple, while others were more unique and had unusual circumstances. But out of all of the dates he'd ever been on during his years of living, never once had his date been assaulted – by another, not he himself – and then ran off without another word, leaving him standing in his wake alone and confused.

Needless to say, it took him a few minutes to come to terms with what had happened before he could get out of the alley and start his slow trek back home.

What the hell had just happened?

He couldn't help but feel incredibly miffed that their night out together had ended so badly when it had had a lot of potential. Roy was started to realize the extent of the feelings he had for the young man, and Edward seemed like he was opening up and starting to trust him with more personal things.

However, now, he had no idea if all of the progress had been completely destroyed, all because of that foolish man who had dared to lay his hands on the Fullmetal Alchemist. In hindsight he should have known _something _was going to go amiss that night, seeings as how the younger individual seemed to attract danger and trouble no matter the situation. But he'd had hoped that this would be different. He was obviously wrong.

Roy's mind was backtracking now. After he had swiftly scared off the pervert he'd tried to get his date's attention but that was when things had gotten strange and confusing.

He had been able to practically see the wheels turning in Edward's mind as he had gazed into his eyes. He'd been trying to figure out something, though that something was a complete and utter mystery to him, and in the end had realized whatever it was. The fact that afterwards he'd felt the need to race off like the devil was at his heels was what was so baffling to him though.

Roy couldn't remember doing something that warranted such a reaction to his presence, and he continued to think through the encounter with the man who had groped his subordinate to make sure that what he believed was correct. When he confirmed that it was, he frowned. If he hadn't done anything wrong that he could think of, why had Edward behaved like that?

Mind rearing with confused musing after confused musing, he almost didn't notice the fact that a car had slowed down to a stop on the side of the road right next to him. Spine stiffening, mind now on edge in preparation for the worst, he turned and peered through the window, and was surprised to see who was behind the wheel.

"Second Lieutenant?"

"Hey, Colonel." Jean Havoc's voice was full of its usual light humour as he rolled down the window so they could hear one another better. "Why do you look so glum? Did your date stand you up?"

Roy frowned. "Not exactly... Actually, he ran off just a second ago."

Havoc looked taken aback for a moment. "He?" Then his gaze softened, and he grinned around his cigarette. "Well, no one ever said the boss was normal. He probably doesn't know the proper etiquette for dates."

Roy didn't expect him to automatically know it was Ed that he'd been out with, and so he said, only slightly defensively, "It wasn't a date."

The Second Lieutenant shook his head and blew out a puff of smoke into the evening air. "I'm not going to ask you what's been going on, sir, because it probably isn't any of my business, but I _can _tell that something's been bothering you... and the boss. Did you two get into a fight again? A serious one this time?"

Roy was getting more and more exasperated. "You make us sound like a married couple."

They hadn't gotten into a fight, actually he had thought the date – that wasn't really a date – had gone really well. Until the end of it, that is, when that man had practically sexually assaulted Ed. It was like that first time Roy had seen him in his female attire. But then, seeing as how now he knew about what he was doing, why had Ed run off like that and seemed so freaked out when he looked at him?

Havoc raised an eyebrow. "I'll take that as a 'yes', then?" There was a pause, and they were submersed in silence except for the hum of the engine and the sound of barking a few streets away.

Then Jean continued speaking.

"You two have never been able to get along very well, and it's probably because your method of communication isn't exactly... the best. But have you ever thought that maybe it would be a good change if you actually tried to listen to him and help him?"

Roy was thrown off his guard, his expression one of shock and disbelief. "I... I help the Elric brothers all the time, Havoc." Proof of that was evident, especially if one knew what happened in the past, which Havoc did. So what could he mean by saying that to him of all people?

He wasn't giving up that easily, however, needing to make his point come across. "No, you don't. Not in the way that they probably really want a lot of the time. They're not the boys you used to know, but they're still young. It would probably be really appreciated if you tried to sit down and actually talk with Ed especially. Who knows, it might improve your relationship, and fix whatever problem you two have gotten yourselves into."

Roy mulled over the thought, thinking that though that was technically what they did early that night, it wasn't all that needed to be done. He still hadn't figured out his own feelings or expressed any toward the other to console him, and that was probably what still maintained that chasm between them. Equivalent Exchange, right? Since Ed had already confessed so much to him, it was his turn, even though what he would be confessing would be something a lot different than what the other had.

After a while he smirked. "Never knew you were that smart, Havoc. Surprise, surprise."

Havoc grinned and saluted him loosely. "Everyone needs a good surprise once in a while, sir."

Then with a short wave, he drove off, leaving his superior officer to his thoughts.

* * *

><p>To say Edward's mind was in a frenzy would be an understatement.<p>

He had to get home. Things would make more sense when he was safe at home. Away from that dark gaze, away from that handsome face, away from the concerned voice, so low and soft, that made his heart beat a little faster in his chest.

The affect he had on him, it had been happening for a long time, not just recently. He'd just tried so hard to ignore it, to push it away as if doing so would make it eventually disappear. But now, now that he'd figured out what the dreams meant, what they were trying to tell him...

Ed couldn't ignore it any longer, that much was clear to him.

No way was this happening though. Not to him.

His hands clenched into fists, feet pounding against the sidewalk as he ran. He slowed down once his home came into sight, but he still maintained a quick pace. He just wanted to get inside where everything would make more sense. With Alphonse's help, things would be easier to understand, right? That's what always happened.

Stumbling into the house, Ed almost bowled right into the coat hanger. He glared at it, as if it personally caused him offence, before his mind flashed back to the earlier events of the night.

How could that be true? How could he... There had to be a mistake right?

He couldn't believe it, didn't want to believe it.

He kicked off his boots, continuing to stumble around as he panted and leaned against the wall with a loud thud. He was causing a loud ruckus, and it was only a matter of time before the other occupant of the house heard it all and came over to see what was going on. Three seconds later, which was record timing probably, and he was there, gazing at him with wide eyes filled with anxiety.

"Brother? Brother, what happened? Are you alright? Are you hurt?"

Ed held up a hand, waving it as he tried to catch his breath. He was doubled over, breathing heavily as if he'd run a long way, which he had. No wonder Al was so confused and worried. He straightened after a few moments, gaze frantic as it glanced around, focusing on anything but his younger brother.

"O-Oh, uh, nothing, yeah, no." He bowed his head in response to Alphonse's dark look. He was being incoherent and obviously withholding things, and he knew the other hated that. "It's fine! D-Don't worry. I mean it's not like I just realized why the fuck I've been having these dreams in the first place or anything."

"What? You did?" It must have been pretty intriguing news to him since he didn't even react to Ed's swearing.

"Ye- No, ignore that," he said suddenly, feeling his cheeks heat up in utter embarrassment. How was he going to tell his brother that he... that he had feelings for... for that bastard? It was already mortifying enough for him to realize it on his own, for him to be the only one in the know, but telling Al would _not _be fun, to say the least.

"Brother, please. Tell me what's going on, maybe I can help. It's always better to talk about things," he rationalized with his calm voice, concern still burning in his eyes. Ed let out a sigh. How was he supposed to keep everything inside himself when he was acting like, well, _Al_?

"It's because of him!" he blurted out loudly, collapsing onto the couch in their living room dramatically. He buried his face in a cushion and kicked his legs. A few feet away, Alphonse was having a hard time hiding his small giggles at how childish his supposedly eighteen-year-old brother was behaving.

His expression sobered once the words registered though. "What do you mean? Who are you talking about, brother?"

"Him! The bastard! The idiot who thinks he's so important and cool and charming!"

"You mean... the Brigadier-General? Mr. Mustang?"

"Yeah, him!"

"But, wait, I don't understand. How is it because of him? What did he do?" Al's brow creased and he crossed his arms. If only his brother was clearer sometimes. It seemed like he was really bothered by whatever had happened however, and so he'd let it go this time. That is, as long as he was able to figure out what was going on in the end.

"The dreams, the people, everything, it's all because of him," Edward started to say, straightening up so he could start pacing around the room. His brother was having a hard time following what he was saying, that much was obvious, and the fact that he couldn't seem to keep still was, if not something worrying because it was a common trait of his, kind of annoying. "All this time, I didn't even realize it. Stupid!" He smacked a hand – his flesh one thankfully – to his forehead in frustration.

"Alright, brother, slow down and talk to me." The tone was now serious and demanding, and Ed halted mid-step at the sound of it. "Please. Help me understand what's going on."

With a heavy sigh he sat back down on the couch, Alphonse coming around to sit next to him as he started to speak again, this time with noticeably more collected calm than he had had previously. "So, you know I've been having those dreams, right? And I've been seeing people, random people. Well, today, when we were walking home, this guy grabbed me-" Ed raised a hand at Al's sharp look, letting him know that he was fine. Obviously he hadn't been hurt, he was way stronger than that pathetic guy. "-and it made me realize why this all was happening."

"So? Why _is _it all happening?"

There was a pause. He looked like he was debating on how to say what he had figured out. In the end he decided on just coming out and saying it straight out, as it appeared to be the easiest way.

"I... like Mustang."

"I'm sorry?" Al blinked, tilting his head. He had obviously heard wrong, which was understandable considering the three words had been said hurriedly and almost in a whisper. "What was that, brother?"

Edward's face at that moment could have rivalled the colour of a tomato. He fidgeted and looked around at different objects in their living room, not looking at his brother again. "Y-You know how, before, you said that, uh... it seemed like I was... 'searching for someone'?" At Alphonse's encouraging nod, he continued, biting his lip. "Well, I think you were close but, uh, I already... found the person."

Al was doing his best to follow along. "You mean... the Brigadier-General?" He said the words slowly and measurably, making sure it was clear and that his brother could correct him at any moment. However he wasn't corrected.

"Yeah. All of the people, in my dreams, at the bars, they all... _look _like him. _A lot. _And now that I think about it, I think I've... had feelings for him for a while now."

Admitting that made him feel so awkward and strange. This had to be the most embarrassing thing ever, well, since he had decided to tell Al about the whole dressing up as a female thing in the first place. He wished he could just go bury himself in research so he could forget everything. But he knew that it was inevitable; he would have to think this all through eventually, because the feelings weren't going to go away any time soon, though he would deny that for as long as he could.

Ed let out a short laugh that was entirely unconvincing. "It's ridiculous, I know. It's probably just a stupid crush, caused by hormones or whatever."

"If you think you've had these feelings for a while I doubt it's just a stupid crush..." Alphonse murmured to himself, and when his older sibling sent him a confused look he shook his head, not bothering to repeat himself since he hadn't heard what he'd said. "Alright. Let's start from the beginning, okay?"

Edward nodded slowly and then walked him through the night, from the very beginning when he had just stepped out of the house all the way to when he'd come crashing back in only minutes earlier. He expected him to make more of a big deal, but he really should have known that his brother wouldn't freak out like he currently was. What Al said in response, firstly, was definitely not what he'd expected.

"And you just... left? You left the Brigadier-General in the alley, alone, without explaining any of this to him?" It was like he was scolding him. Another instance in which he reminded him of Winry, and made it seem like _he _was the older of the two instead of the other way around.

Ed felt a pang of guilt enter him before it was quickly smothered by the mess of other emotions he was currently feeling. "That's not the problem, Al!" He groaned and buried his face in his hands.

"I think maybe you should try to sleep, brother. Maybe in the morning you'll have a clearer head?"

"Yeah, maybe." He didn't sound too hopeful that it would happen, but there really wasn't anything else he could do at that moment anyway. He _could _call Mustang's house and apologize for earlier, but... Edward could feel the nervous churn start up inside him at the mere thought of doing that, and he cursed at himself mentally. Was he turning into a girl or what?

Of course he had to fall for him, of all people. He just had to cause more suffering and mortification for himself, didn't he? How the hell was he going to get himself out of this situation? It was completely new and he was not experienced with this sort of thing. His first instinct was to ignore it, to pretend nothing happened, to will it all away. He couldn't do that, however. He'd established that earlier.

He couldn't actually love the man though, that was ridiculous. That was a crazy notion.

But deep down he knew it was true.

He had to confront this all, had to confront _Mustang_, and he probably had to tell him how he felt, too.

How in the world was he supposed to do that?


End file.
